Hold Me Down
by JoeBoBean
Summary: Since Momo Hinamori was attacked and left in a coma Tōshirō Hitsugaya thought no one would ever touch his heart again. That was until his Grandmother and Rangiku told the child prodigy that he should experience more of life and he met Karin Kurosaki who ends up being the most vibrant person he's ever met, but what happens when Momo finally wakes up? AU
1. Prologue

_After writing "Forever Sounds Nice" and "Some Things Never Change" I decided that I really wanted to explore the relationship between Karin and Tōshirō that I kept hinting at, mainly because since seeing the filler "Hitsugaya, Karin, and Soccer Ball" I've loved the idea of Karin and Tōshirō together. _

_The album that Karin is listening to in the prologue is "Hold Me Down" from You Me At Six._

_To follow this story you don't need to have read either of the other AU Bleach/Final Fantasy linked stories, but like with Tsubasa and xxxHOLiC reading all of them gives you all the different angles of the overlap sections._

_Please enjoy xx._

* * *

If there was one thing the Kurosaki's as a family had in common; it was their mutual love and appreciation of music, Isshin liked old school rhythm and blues because he thought that not only did it make him sophisticated, but in his mind made him cool. Yuzu loved Enka although none of her family or her boyfriend could understand the attraction and then there was her love of _Visual Kei _which Karin could understand, but Jinta was confused by it possibly more than her love of Enka confused him. He has asked her once why she hadn't wanted to marry the lead singer of _Versailles_ and Yuzu had said,

"You can't help who you fall in love with," It had seemed to placate Jinta, but Karin still didn't know if that was really a compliment to him or _Visual Kei_. Ichigo on the other hand had always liked something with a good beat no matter where it came from and Karin? She loved Western rock and pop. So as she slipped her headphones over her ears she wanted to throw herself in to the oblivion of her music to drown out the real world and its real pain.

She pressed play on her old beat up CD player and revelled in the sound; she hated the electronic feel and sound of downloaded files. Unlike her father and brother she didn't have the patience for vinyl so she settled for a medium that was one down from computer files.

The disk spun to life and she realised that it was one of the ones that Ichigo had bought her for her last birthday. She remembered it well as it was one of the only times that he hadn't made a big deal of making fun of her for the music she liked.

She loved this album, she really did and was grateful that her older brother had such good taste, but today this album was not what she wanted not when the track that began playing had a main line of _stay with me_ and that was the last thing she wanted to hear; because it was the thing she had begged Tōshirō with, but even though she hated the idea she didn't change it she just let the music fall over her to eat her from the inside out as the tears that she had held back fell down her face.

For Karin crying was such an odd feeling because it had been so long since she had last cried. She wasn't Yuzu who looked beautiful whatever she cried; Karin knew she looked ugly when she did so she had built up walls so as to never have to cry again. She had cried for months after their mother had died, but seeing how Ichigo tried to be strong for them all made her want to try too and it worked she managed to hold them all back. It didn't matter if a teacher shouted at her or if she fell over Karin had vowed that she would never be weak again and she had kept that promise until she had run in to Tōshirō Hitsugaya.


	2. Chapter 1

She had never met anybody like him, he was intense, mature, cold and for some reason totally magnetic. Sometimes she wished that it had always stayed that way, her only watching him from a distance. If she had she wouldn't feel this way now. She hated how their meeting was just like a shojo manga one of those instances that you read about and say _as if that would really happen_, but this time it was true and that made it all the more embarrassing. She actually had ran in to him one night on the way home from practice as she dribbled her ball along the side-walks that she had assumed were empty of people. As always her eyes were on the ball as she wound it in and out of the bollards marking the change from the road to the side-walk she danced in and out of them as if they were multiple dancing partners in and out, in and out the ball always firmly in her sights and the only thing in her sights; the rest of the world vanished as the only things that mattered were her feet and the ball of leather.

"Oi watch it!" an ice cold voice from the side of her said making her stop in her tracks she pulled her baseball cap over her eyes and turned to confront the person and came face to face with the widest teal blue eyes she had ever seen.

"Ummm sorry," she said all her cutting remarks lost,

"I'm not on about me," the petulant voice said, "You almost walked straight in to the road without looking." she looked down and saw the stripes of the cross walk and felt herself blush.

"Thanks I guess," The voice sighed and she looked back in to those beautiful and frightening eyes. "My names Karin," she said softly,

"Did I ask for your name?" he grumbled shoving his hands further in to his pockets.

"I guess not," She replied and then said, "But you did just save my life,"

"Hardly," he said back sounding haughty, "There isn't any traffic and you were in my way," he eyed her expectantly and she jumped back,

"Sorry," she mumbled not really wanting to say anything else in case he shouted at her. He walked passed her and she saw his hair it was bright white, no dye could do that, but she had never seen hair of the colour be natural before.

"Thanks Karin," he said with the barest hint of a smile, "I'll see you in school,"

"Yeah, sure… HUH?" but before she could ask he had vanished as if he had never been there, her coach had said something about athletes now using this technique called _shunpō _that meant more development was done on the hips, legs and feet to speed up reaction time, but as fast as this miracle flash step was supposed to be, there was no way in hell that it would be that fast. What was with that see you in school? The last place she would see someone that looked that way would be school. She was in a sport and art institution and he looked more like someone that would be doing, accounting for all she knew.

* * *

She was sat in her English Literature class the next day when it all made sense. She was sat reading over the chapter of _Persuasion_ that the class were reviewing when all the girls started to chatter excitedly as if someone had just spotted Brad Pitt or someone as equally famous with global appeal. She looked up and saw a shock of white hair covering uninterested teal eyes. He was stood wearing tight black jeans and a black t-shirt that made the white of his hair stand out more. He glanced around the room until he saw Karin and he smirked, actually smirked and made a bee line for her making the other girls jealous.

"Hello again," he said softly as he sat down next to her, the ice in his voice from the day before thawing slightly.

"What are you doing here?" Karin spluttered almost knocking her volume of Austen on the floor.

"My Gran says you can never have too much of a good thing, so I have four degrees and I want one more." he played with the small tuft of hair that fell over his left eye and smiled, "Literature is the only one I don't have. So you know don't knock it till you try it." He glanced at Karin's well thumbed book and his face fell, "However if I had known that the varied reading list and courses from Japanese to English literature had that in it, I may not have bothered." Karin instantly became defensive,

"What is wrong with it?" she asked her voice haughty to his surprise and delight,

"Well it's just like two hundred pages of: will he talk to me or why won't he talk to me? It's vapid and annoying."

"Well aren't you just a know it all." Karin said blowing out her breath, "But you are wrong, this one is about two people that made a mistake and whether they can forgive each other and forgive themselves. It's not vapid either, this was the last novel she wrote while she was sick and dying she uses this novel more than any other to mock the social constructs, she can't understand why a lowly naval officer can't marry the woman he loves just because she comes from money and he didn't. It's a novel that shows her dissatisfaction with the way women are viewed, yes maybe we are the _gentler sex _but it doesn't mean we can't fight back for what we want." She took a deep breath and felt her cheeks get red, "Sorry I just lectured you didn't I?" she shook her head, "I don't even know your name." she said,

"So do we ever get to look at something modern and fun?" he asked avoiding the question,

"If you were hoping for Harry Potter you may want to sell your copy, we go over things that have stood the sands of time." she smiled "And if you were thinking this was popular fiction you may also…"

"Want to get rid of my copies of _Twilight_?"

"Yes, but more for the fact that although it is written in English. The writer is in fact an American."

"Wow what a young genius I am," he said with a soft smile, "I'm Tōshirō Hitsugaya by the way, I think you earned it." Karin grinned and put out her hand,

"Karin Kurosaki, pleasure to meet you."

"Kurosaki?" Tōshirō asked with his eyebrows raised in a comical fashion, "As in Ichigo Kurosaki?"

"Yeah he's my brother," Karin said suspiciously, "What has he done now?"

"Nothing that I am aware of, it's just I work for a sister company that's all."

"You're a designer?" she asked amazed.

"Yes," he replied simply.

That was it their first conversation and she could remember it as if it happened yesterday. After that all their conversations were that way; electric and enlightening and that was what drew Karin in. If only she had stayed on the outside only giving a little of herself then she would have been safe, but Karin had risked her heart the first time they had spoken, she just hadn't known it then.

* * *

The conversation about Momo had only come up by accident a few months in to their friendship…

"Tōshirō where in the hell are you going?" Karin called out to him across the blistering asphalt, "You don't have work today do you? I thought Matsumoto-san phoned you earlier saying that you didn't have to go in to the office." Tōshirō turned around his teal eyes wide he hadn't realised that someone had noticed him leave, but of course Karin did she never ever missed a beat when it came to him. For a few moments he couldn't speak, he didn't know what to say,

"Hospital," he said in a voice just above a whisper. "A friend of mine is in there."

"Can I meet them?" Karin asked and at the shock in Tōshirō's eyes she back pedalled, "If I'm over stepping anything I'm sorry, it's just that my dad is a doctor and I sometimes help out as a nurse to keep the patients calm, I'm told I have a good bedside manner," she watched Tōshirō eye her up and down and in that moment she could have sworn there was a faint blush over his cheeks, but that wasn't possible this was the ice King, but if it was what was he thinking about? When she saw him shake his head slightly as if trying to get rid of an image, she realised that she didn't really want to know what he was thinking about.

"You can come," he replied, "But don't expect her to comment on your bedside manner, she won't even realise you are there." Karin didn't say anything she just nodded as if she understood what Tōshirō was trying to say. He was happy that she didn't start ooohing and ahhhing over him as if the pity would help, he preferred the quiet acceptance and when he looked in to Karin's obsidian eyes he saw that she knew what he was thinking. She slipped her hand in to his and squeezed it in a form of reassurance. Tōshirō knew that if it had been anyone else that had done that, he would have shaken them off, but with Karin it felt right; it felt as if he had come home.

* * *

Karin hated Momo the moment she saw her. She was beautiful and feminine all the things that Karin knew she wasn't and in eternal repose she looked like a fairy tale beauty just waiting for her prince to kiss her and looking at Tōshirō she could tell that he wanted to be that prince if the universe would let him.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Momo," she said and Tōshirō looked up,

"Why are you doing that? She can't hear you,"

"How do you know that?" Karin asked and Tōshirō walked back in to the wall confused, "Until you wake up Momo I will take care of Tōshirō don't you worry."

"As if she cares," Tōshirō said bitterly,

"Stop talking that way it's your negativity that has her locked up inside her head, start thinking that things will work out and they will! Start doing it now!" Tōshirō's head snapped up and he looked at Karin so intently that she felt it right to the bone; it was a scary feeling, but eventually he sighed and rubbed his face. He looked tired and a lot older than his years.

"No one has ever talked to me like that," he said his voice a little shaky,

"I bet," Karin said with an oddly charming quirk of her lips.

"I'm not used to it; you really lashed out at me didn't you?"

"You deserved it," Karin pouted, "How is Momo going to wake up if you keep being so negative about everything?" Tōshirō stared at her even harder,

"You are amazing," he said sagging against the wall. That was the very moment when it started the ice in his heart began to thaw and there was no looking back.

They visited Momo once every week and Tōshirō confided in Karin that he was happy he was no longer alone when he went as the place gave him the creeps. Although he said it even he knew it wasn't just that; he valued her company no matter what. It felt good to have someone just want to be with him no matter what, with no agenda.

After Momo had been in the coma for six months and the first snow had begun to fall Tōshirō finally decided what he wanted. He just didn't know if he was willing to pay the price to get what was dearest to his heart.

* * *

Tōshirō Hitsugaya had never had it easy in life. His parents had died when he was too young to remember them and was then taken in to foster care by one of the old women who lived in the building he grew up in. She had another person under her wing a girl a few years older than Tōshirō although she never acted that way. He had always been too smart for his own good and managed to isolate himself without even trying.

He was a prodigy and with all that power a huge responsibility was put upon the young boy. By the age of seventeen he was a deputy director of _Soul Serenity Designs_ along with some of the best talent that the country had to offer. It seemed he lived a charmed life and that the course of his life was set. That all changed suddenly when the girl he had grown up with was stabbed by an unknown assailant as she was walking home from work and she had fallen in to a persistent vegetative state. He knew that he was never going to get her back, but no matter what; he wanted to hope that maybe if he prayed enough and made one thousand paper cranes that maybe his wish would come true and everything would be okay.

Eventually Momo would wake up and he would continue to live his apparently charmed life with Momo by his side as Momo was the one person in the world beside his Gran that he truly loved. He never expected to be hit by a hurricane that would shake him so much that he didn't know which way was up. No matter how strong Hurricane Karin was he was happy that he was caught by her and thrown about in her wake. He had never realised it, but she was what he had always been waiting for.


	3. Chapter 2

_AN: This is where Hold Me Down started to become a two hander and looked more in to the pairs POV._

"Trust Gran and Matsumoto to think that having me going back to school would be a good idea! As if I need more degrees! As if I'm not enough of a freak already," Tōshirō grumbled as he walked back home. "You should have more friends your own age," he bitched imitating Matsumoto to perfection. "As if I want that; I'm happy where I am!" He looked up and saw that he was at the cross walk and that over the other side by the river there was a guy dribbling a football in and out of the bollards as if he was training. "Idiot," he mumbled under his breath as he stomped across the cool asphalt that had yet to be warmed by summer sunshine.

He got to the other side and the guy with the football still hadn't looked up and it was apparent to him that they were on a collision course and Tōshirō was not in the mood for that drama.

"Oi watch it!" he shouted in a way that he knew made him sound like a tool. The guy froze and pulled the baseball cap he was wearing further down on his head as if steeling himself for a confrontation, he turned and that was when Tōshirō realised that for all his genius he was wrong the guy with the football wasn't a guy at all and as the obsidian eyes bore in to his he found it hard to breathe.

"Ummm sorry," she said her voice soft, gentle and low nothing like the squawking he was used to from Matsumoto. She was beautiful in an understated way there was no makeup and no effort put in to what she was wearing, but she was comfortable in her own skin. For someone who never really fitted in anything it was the most attractive quality a person could have. He couldn't even remember what they spoke about because he was hypnotised by the thin perfectly formed lips that spoke to him and the sparkle within the black eyes.

As he glanced down giving her a furtive once over that was when he noticed it; on her sweatshirt was her schools emblem; which just happened to be the one he had enrolled in. She hopped out of the way and he walked past throwing out a passing remark that confused her making her face look so sexy that he had to ball his hands in to fists so he didn't touch her. He then thought it would be a good time to vanish so he ran over the crest of the hill so fast that his sides hurt and his throat felt as if a tonne of razor blades had been put in it. He barely knew the girl he couldn't want her that fast could he? Especially when he was nearly someone else's to begin with.

* * *

Things got harder from there on out, there were little things that he couldn't deny were happening to him. He began to care about his appearance; he cared about what Karin thought of him. He cared... period. Somehow Karin had found a chink in his armour and had pushed her way in; breaking through all his defences and for the first time in a long while he didn't mind, he actually encouraged it. He found himself flirting with her a little and at the start it was unconsciously, but soon he was doing it consciously and loving it, especially when her eyes lit up so the obsidian seemed to be shedding light instead of taking it in like a vacuum.

He couldn't believe his good luck when she actually asked where he was going after classes and that when he told her that she wanted to join him whole heartedly. What he couldn't believe more was the fact that he said yes so easily. No one else had ever asked, but he knew if they had he would have said no. Matsumoto knew about Momo and the fact that Tōshirō went to visit her, but she knew that if she asked about it that she would be stepping over a line that the pair as employer and subordinate would never ever toe. He liked that reassurance and it shocked him at how much he liked Karin's spontaneity and the fact that no matter what she could always surprise him. He thought he had seen it all, but around her he realised that he was totally naive in the ways of the outside world.

"Can I meet them?" she asked her voice as soft and subtle as silk and he felt himself panic, something else that was new, usually he was the stoic and calm Tōshirō Hitsugaya the unflappable genius and prodigy, but around Karin he was the dumb teenage boy with hormone problems. He must have looked troubled he thought because she quickly said, "If I'm over stepping anything I'm sorry, it's just that my dad is a doctor and I sometimes help out as a nurse, I'm told I have a good bedside manner," at the comment about being a nurse all Tōshirō could see was Karin in a pink uniform with a little starched hat and the image was so vivid that he had to glance away for a second, because the idea of her that way was far too attractive for his liking. He could feel the slight heat in his cheeks but he hoped that if he were lucky no colour would show and that Karin would have no idea what was going on in his mind.

After he had agreed to let her come; as if he was really going to say no. She took his hand and it was soft and comforting in his own, it was undemanding, but firm and she squeezed his hand tenderly and smiled softly as if trying to tell him that in the end it was all going to be all right and that no matter what; he wasn't going to shake her off that easy. It was like that every time they visited before they went in the door she would squeeze his hand once and they would walk in together. Then the pair of them would act like Momo was awake sitting there with them chatting to them about the latest movie that was out or the recent dance they had been to.

* * *

That was something else he hadn't believed possible before meeting Karin, he had a social life and he enjoyed it. She seemed so proud to have been able to make such a difference in his life in such a short space of time, when it had taken Momo so long to be such an integral part of him. It had taken Tōshirō so long to realise his feelings for Momo, she had already become one of the interns at _Soul Serenity Designs_ under Sousuke Aizen when he had finally realised that he didn't see her as his sister anymore. With Karin however he knew how he felt a lot sooner, but he was loathe to do anything about it. The last thing he wanted to do was to ruin the balance in their relationship.

"Boss you look happy today… did you get laid?" Matsumoto asked with a smile and Tōshirōs' face paled,

"I have no idea what you are talking about Matsumoto" He grumbled as she watered the plants in his corner office, "Did you finish that paper work that I left yesterday or were you loitering in the coffee room with Kira and Hisagi?" He asked eyeing up his assistant who smiled seductively and leaned over the desk purposefully her shirt as usual bursting at the seams, Tōshirō blushed as he tried to look away from the sexual harassment suit before him.

"I don't loiter in the coffee room with Izuru and Shūhei; I was collecting vital gossip about some of the other partners. Did you know that Ukitake-san and Kyōraku-san are planning to retire?" Tōshirō shook his head, "Well they are apparently, according to Kiyone, who then told Shūhei. The pair have decided that maybe it would be better for Ukitake-sans condition if they should take early retirement and live the rest of their lives to the fullest. Isn't that just the sweetest thing ever?"

"I'm surprised you three ever get any work done," Tōshirō grumbled as he got up from his desk, "If you get any calls for me, I'm going to be in a meeting." he stated as he picked up his jacket from the couch,

"Momo or Karin," Matsumoto asked with genuine interest and at the blush that covered his features she stifled a laugh,

"Neither, I'm going to talk to my sempai's about hiring their assistants to replace my own that refuses to do her work!" Matsumoto couldn't help it she laughed and picked up her paperwork sighing. "Oh and Matsumoto… Are you pregnant?" he asked softly, Matsumoto shook her head,

"Not that I know of… why?" she asked a smile spreading across her lips,

"No matter it isn't important," He muttered his face turning violently red.

"Boss were you looking at the girls?" she asked cradling her breasts with crossed arms making them even more precariously placed inside her blouse.

"I said it was nothing," he repeated as he slammed the office door.

"I think I need to meet this Karin and thank her; that is the first time that I have ever seen my boss so happy. I'm relieved," she said to herself as she began to check and file all of the money orders and material lists that he had asked her to do the day before.

* * *

Tōshirō strode down the corridor from his office and tried to sort out all his frazzled emotions, he never thought that his sempai's would leave, he always thought that they would stay because like Yammamoto the pair were a permanent feature in _Soul Serenity Designs_ and if they left; the office would never be the same again. He arrived at the large glass panel door that signified his arrival at the pair's shared and spacious office space. He tapped lightly and heard a grunt of affirmation that could only have come from Kyōraku-san. He pushed open the door and popped his head around it. Kyōraku-san was stood at his drawing board scale ruler in hand and Ukitake-san was sat at his desk reading glasses perched on his nose as he reviewed what looked like a purchase order. Kyōraku-san turned around and laughed as he put the mahogany waves that were framing his face behind his ear,

"It seems that Shiro-chan has been told of our plans to elope Jū, whatever are we going to do?" Ukitake-san looked up and smiled softly taking his reading glasses off his nose and placing them on his desk.

"Come sit down Tōshirō-kun," he said pointing to their couch as he picked up a crystal bowl full of M&M's putting them on the table in front of him as he sat on the armchair across from him. "Take as many as you like," he said warmly as Kyōraku-san put down his ruler and pencil and joined them sitting on the armrest of Ukitake-san's armchair.

"You're leaving me here," He said a little forlornly taking a handful of the sweets,

"You'll do fine, you don't need our help anymore; you get more commissions than the pair of us combined," Ukitake-san said as he picked up a handful of sweets for himself and ate them every so often passing one to his partner, who was partial to the blue ones.

"That doesn't seem to be the problem Jūshirō, I think the Shiro-chan is here for another reason all together." He rubbed his hand over his stubble before he spoke again, "I think it's a girl." He finished as he put a hand on Ukitakes' shoulder. Tōshirō blushed slightly and nodded.

"Have you ever… loved two people at once?" He asked softly as he averted his eyes so he didn't have to make eye contact with the older men who he trusted with his life. He couldn't imagine either of them ever being unfaithful to the other because they were like two peas in a pod and they obviously cared for each other deeply.

"Yes," Kyōraku-san replied just as softly as Ukitake-san took his hand and held it firmly. "It isn't an ideal situation to be in because it can hurt a lot of people, I was lucky that I only hurt Jūshirō and myself, but it could have been a lot, lot worse." Tōshirōs' head snapped up and he looked at his sempai closely. "Did you ever wonder why we combined offices and made our assistants sit outside?"

"I did but it was never my place to ask…" Tōshirō replied,

"It was because I didn't trust myself around Nanao," He stated and Ukitake-san's face got momentarily dark as if he were waging an internal war that he didn't want anyone else to see. "So Shiro-chan who are the two lucky or maybe we should call them unlucky ladies?" Tōshirō rung his hands through one another,

"Well Momo you know and well… the other girl I met at University, she's on the course I'm taking you know as a part of Gran and Matsumoto's grand plan to make me more like a boy my age… her name is Karin…"

"Kurosaki?!" they asked in unison and in what could only be described as excitement.

"Yes," Tōshirō replied and the older men jumped off the armchair and sat at either side of him on the couch.

"How did you meet?" Ukitake-san asked his eyes warm,

"She almost ran me over with…"

"A football?" Kyōraku-san finished grinning from ear to ear as Tōshirō nodded. The older men nodded to each other completely excited; it had been a long time since he had seen either of them like this. "It's fate Shiro-chan, fate I tell you!"

"How so?" Tōshirō asked,

"Well you know that we are great friends with Isshin Kurosaki right? He used to work for the company as one of the top designers, but he quit before the job ate him alive and instead he went to medical school and it was there that he met his wife. She was such a lovely woman so kind and a great calming influence on Isshin who could never sit still. So since he left we have kept in contact and actually I am Yuzu's Godfather and Shunsui is Karin's." Ukitake-san said, "And a couple of months ago we were having dinner there, discussing with Isshin the pros and cons of leaving the business, and Karin came in talking about how much work Ichigo must be doing since he never came back home. Then the pair of us said it's not unusual if your work sells to be swamped and we told her about you. After that she didn't seem to mind so much that Ichigo wasn't around."

"So I have the pair of you to thank that Karin never seemed to be offended when I had to cut a date short for a client?" The pair nodded and then Shunsui spoke again.

"But back to the problem at hand, you are stuck between offending Momo and possibly hurting Karin, is that right?" Kyōraku-san asked and Tōshirō nodded, "But Shiro-chan it's pulling you apart trying so hard."

"Momo isn't gone, but whenever I'm with Karin I try to convince myself that she is and lately it hasn't even taken that much effort to do so. Even when we visit Momo the one I look at more is Karin… it's like Momo isn't even there. I know it's wrong, but Karin is so…"

"Lovely?" Ukitake-san asked and Tōshirō nodded,

"Awake?" Kyōraku-san added unhelpfully,

"Real?" Ukitake-san finished and Tōshirō was shocked at the old man's boldness, "I hate to hurt you like this Tōshirō-kun," he said picking out only blue M&M's to pass to his partner, "But Karin can love you back, in the state that Momo is in she can't and I am sure that Momo-chan wouldn't want you to wait around for her all closed up, she would by far prefer you to have people other than her that you love."

"But…" Tōshirō started and the older men silenced him,

"No Shiro-chan you can't live your life inside a glass box you need to experience life, make mistakes, love, laugh, be a teenager at University before it is too late, Jū was right Momo can't hold it against you for living your life, she would be happy that you didn't vegetate like she did… sorry that was crass, but you know what I mean."

"So even though you said that loving two people can hurt many, you want me to continue down this road?" He asked, the older men nodded,

"Karin is tougher than she looks give her a chance and you may be surprised." Kyōraku-san said. "Was that the only problem then Shiro-chan?" he asked and Tōshirō shook his head, "Well then what is it?"

"When you leave can I come and visit?" The older men laughed and pulled the small boy in to a bear hug,

"Of course you can," the pair replied, "We would want it no other way."

* * *

When Tōshirō left his sempai's office an hour later, he knew what he had to do. If Karin wasn't going to shatter and hate him then he could tell her exactly how he felt, he could tell her that she had made the world move again for him after so many months of it being frozen and stuck in one place. Also that when he was with her nothing else mattered to him except them; that once and for all she had melted the ice inside his heart. He walked in to his office and saw Matsumoto deep in thought, an odd past time for her, but as long as she was working he didn't mind.

"Matsumoto, I'm going out for the afternoon no one called did they?" he asked from the doorway, his assistant turned and shook her head,

"Nothing to report boss, enjoy yourself will you?" she asked and Tōshirō nodded as he closed the office door behind him.


	4. Chapter 3

_AN: This chapter is a flash back for Karin and the events in it happen a while after he left the office to tell her his feelings; which he didn't actually do._

She blamed alcohol!

She decided that it was the centre of everyone's trouble and without it she would not be in this mess she was in now. If it hadn't have been so perfect she would have been shattered, torn apart and as mad as hell. However because it was so perfect she had this rose tinted glasses thing going on and she was denying herself the feeling that at any moment it would all fade away and that he would be taken out of her grasp like a snowflake on the wind.

She didn't know if it was an accident or not that it happened.

She knew they were drunk and she knew that more than anything she wanted it, but the more she thought it over so did he. It was Momo's birthday she knew it without him saying, all day he was quiet, sullen and more intense than usual. He refused to go to the hospital at the end of the day and so she invited him out to have some drinks saying the reason was the pair of them welcoming in the season. They had been friends for so long now that any reason to drink was seen as a legitimate one. He didn't question it, he just accepted most of the things she said without an argument she thought it had something to do with the first day they actually met in class.

They both went to the bar closest to campus and between them they put away six bottles of sake and two pitchers of beer. Her dad would be so annoyed that she had been drinking again when she was underage but at the same time he would be so proud that she could hold her liquor. It always made her laugh that her dad could be such a hypocrite about things like that. By the time the bar got busy they decided that they should leave and Tōshirō invited over to his for what was supposed to be an innocent cup of tea. She was so happy that he had actually asked her around to his place that she automatically said yes without thinking and they had walked back to his apartment hand in hand each trying to keep the other upright.

He opened the door of an apartment complex on the hill overlooking the valley that their little suburb sat beside and the pair fell through it as if they were marionettes that just had their strings cut. Tōshirō managed to get to his feet first and he pulled Karin up towards him, she looked in to his wide teal eyes and saw all the pain he was trying to hide and it engulfed her, before she could stop herself she leant in and pressed her lips against his as she wrapped her arms around him fervently. He embraced her back as hard and ran his finger down her cheek as if her were trying to make himself believe that she was real.

His fingers were as cold as ice leaving a sharp burn akin to frost bite on every exposed bit of skin he touched. His lips were so hard they bruised her own even as he kissed her with such gentleness, but she didn't care the pain he gave her was so very sweet. He held her close to him and the low body temperature that he possessed permeated her clothes making her skin raise in goose bumps a sensation she found so delicious that she shivered slightly. At the feel of what Tōshirō took to be discomfort he pulled away and momentarily his normally placid eyes were worried.

"Don't stop," she said breathlessly reaching out for his shoulders to pull him back towards her.

"Are you sure?" he murmured his voice slightly husky, a sound which to Karin was an erotic drawl that sent shivers down her spine. She nodded and got a viable hold on him and pulled him in so close that their breath mingled.

"More than sure." she said in a verbal affirmation her voice hoarse as Tōshirō rubbed his thumb over her pulse point in small concise circular motions. Her breath hitched for a second and then she let out a long soft sigh leaning her head so she could trap his hand against her neck the cold skin burning into her warmth like a brand. He pressed his other hand into her waist as he leant in again. He placed his lips over Karin's slowly and with care, but she burned and grabbed at handfuls of white hair pulling him against her roughly. She tipped her head back letting Tōshirō have easy access to her and have free reign of the kiss. She felt his hands clasp her face holding her still as he slowly opened his tightly sealed lips. The heat she found there in his mouth made her burn inside as much as she was burning on the outside. He angled her head stepping forward as she felt the quickest swipe of his tongue against hers.

After the briefest of contact he withdrew walking her backwards towards the bed in the next room. As soon as the back of her legs hit the hardwood she fell back on to the soft mattress dragging Tōshirō with her. His weight above her was reassuring and affirming. This wasn't a dream, it was far, far better. He grabbed the hem of her camisole and dragged it up her body leaving trails of frozen heat as he went. He looked at the flimsy cotton sports bra before him and smiled his teal eyes flashing with heat. Karin watched as he slid his fingers beneath the cup as he threw her camisole on the floor. She knew her breasts were nothing to write home about, but as Tōshirō's thin fingers walked their way over her skin beneath the warm cotton she arched her back to bring herself into him and once again he smiled. The pad of his middle finger found her nipple first and gently rubbed the skin bringing it to life. Karin hissed as she felt herself become taught under his soft and deliberate caress the whole of her body responding instantly. Tōshirō chuckled and brought his lips towards the cotton barrier. He latched on to the raised skin below and sucked until the cotton was hot and damp, Karin kicked her head back her hands trying to find holds on the duvet, but having no luck. He spanned her stomach with his hand and she curled in to the contact feeling the electric burn of his fingers and palm on her heated skin. He cupped her other breast in his hand and caressed that as he kissed a path down to her naval when he reached there he sucked at it lightly and then licked the area surrounding it with care and was impressed when she involuntarily arched her back to keep him there, he obliged her body's command and she let out a soft cry of pleasure.

Not being able to take it anymore Tōshirō slid his hand around Karin's back and unclasped her bra and unwound her arms from the straps; as soon as she was free she sank her hands in to his hair and he threw the scrap of material on top of her camisole, she pulled him towards her and kissed him slowly, purposefully sweeping his tongue with her own tasting him and savouring him. He was perfect all she ever dreamed he would be and then some. There was the heady taste of sake that she could even taste on herself and then there was the heavenly yet inexplicable bitter and sweet tang of watermelon. She pulled herself away from the kiss and tasted his skin making him cry out. He was fresh and as refreshing as driven snow and as she couldn't help herself she bit down on his neck, Tōshirō shuddered and his head kicked back even though she didn't break the skin, but at the groan that rumbled in his throat Karin felt heat flood in to every cell in her body and she moved her legs to wrap them around him. Tōshirō lost control and threw her down on to the mattress making her bounce slightly. She didn't care though as she saw the lust in his eyes and wanted to take whatever he would give her.

He ran his hands up her smooth toned legs right up to the shorts she was wearing holding her thighs tightly in his grip pulling her towards him. He slid a hand over the denim and slipped the all too willing button out of its hole and then took his teeth to the zip pulling it down with care; his breath was warm against her and the heat curled in her stomach. He slid her out of her shorts and threw them on to the pile of her other clothes. He stared down at her and even with the small amount of clothing she had left Karin felt naked and totally at Tōshirō's will.

Tōshirō pulled off his shirt and threw it towards the other clothes but in his fervour he missed and the shirt ended up in the next room splayed by the door. He looked to where it had fallen and sighed, but Karin got up off the mattress and held his face between her hands dragging his gaze towards her. As soon as she saw the fire in his teal eyes she knew he wasn't going to back down and she was thankful for it as she had been waiting for this for the longest time. He leant back on his knees that were straddling Karin and watched intently as she ran her smooth fingers over his body making him twitch.

He was gorgeous, just as she knew he would be, but the sheer perfection of him almost scared her. Each muscle of him was perfectly sculpted and his skin was smooth as silk. She ran her hand slowly over the cool and hard flesh and stopped just below his naval marvelling at the sight before her. She kissed his flat stomach as he tensed the muscles there sighing heavily. He moved an inch and placed his hands under her arms and raised her back up to his mouth his heat searing her and he laid her back on the bed separating her legs with his knee. She heard the distinctive snap of his jeans being opened and felt him writhe on top of her and as he shimmied out of the material it filled her body with the most delicate and delectable tension. She had wanted him for the longest time and she wouldn't deny it her every thought was filled with him.

She found herself some days getting annoyed that she had spent hours just sat thinking about him. From what he would feel like above her to how he had come to be so closed off to everyone, but her. From how his eyes would look when he looked at just her, when he wasn't thinking about Momo to what his apartment looked like on the inside. As he covered every inch of her with every inch of him everything she could have thought about was answered. His teal eyes were alight and they were boring into her as if trying to see in to her not just look at her and he felt perfect above her as if they were two puzzle pieces that were finally being slotted together.

Everything about that night and the weeks after were perfect, she loved Tōshirō so much that when she was around him it felt as if nothing else in the world was important. Each time he held her he pulled her down in to a cavern where the only thing that truly mattered was the fact that he was beside her. She was young and in love and for a while she thought that would be enough, but soon that illusion was shattered and it was the hardest blow that she had to absorb.


	5. Chapter 4

_AN: I'm sorry for any Momo fans out there... from here on out I'm not going to be very nice about her. This is also a short chapter._

The call came first thing in the morning on a Friday. She knew what it was about without Tōshirō saying anything. As soon as his back stiffened and he turned to look at her his face pale, she knew exactly what he had been told. Momo had woken up, and their time together had ended. She didn't want it to be true, but that had to be it because when she held Tōshirō gently he shook her off his eyes vacant and haunted.

"Yes I am Tōshirō Hitsugaya," he replied to the voice on the other end of the line. "Yes I was listed as Momo Hinamori's next of kin. Yes I was asked to be informed as soon as possible if her condition changed. Yes I can come to the hospital right away." He got out of bed and pulled his clothes on swiftly not even turning to her and at that moment she knew it. She knew it was over and no matter how much she wished that it wasn't and no matter how much she wished it was different she knew it wasn't going to change. She slipped from under the sheets and pulled her dress on. She looked at herself in his full length mirror and blushed. Before she had met Tōshirō she had never cared about her appearance and when she caught her reflection she was surprised she looked feminine and without trying to be big headed she looked beautiful, but like everything else that had happened in the last few moments she knew that she could never compete with Momo… she was never going to be petite and beautiful like her.

Finally Tōshirō turned around as if remembering that she was present and spoke to her,

"Will you come with me, Momo has woken up and I want her to meet you, at least once; because I think you are the reason that she came back." That was the last thing the Karin wanted to hear, she didn't want to be thanked for her rivals revival. If anything she wanted Tōshirō in her arms saying that no matter what happened, what they had was going to win out. Although she didn't want to admit it she knew better; the walls behind Tōshirō's eyes were back and there was no way that she could make a door in them or have a hope in hell of scaling them.

She was locked out if his heart now and all he wanted was to be able to walk in to that room with someone and not feel so bad for stomping all over Momo's memory.

"Will you come with me?" He asked again his voice strained as if he were begging, a thing that Karin knew he did not do. She wanted to say no, she wanted to say so many things, so many petty, spiteful and selfish things. She wanted to chain him to her in every way possible so that he wouldn't leave, but in the end she just nodded; she wasn't the type of person to cling and hold a person against their will.

"I'll come with you to see Momo; it's been a while since I've seen her." She said softly barely restraining the tears she could feel welling.

"Thank you Karin, I hoped you would say yes. Here you can wear my coat, its cold outside you'll need to cover up." she looked down at herself and smiled bitterly. It wasn't cold outside it was the end of summer; he just didn't want Momo getting worried about what Tōshirō had been doing while she had been dancing on the rift between the living and the dead. It was sweet that he cared so much about Momo, but on the other hand for Karin it was torture. She took the coat graciously and wrapped herself in it. If this was the last time she would be with him she would make the most of it, even if he wasn't really with her anymore.


	6. Chapter 5

_AN: This chapter is a long one with a lot of people popping up from both Bleach and Final Fantasy._

When they arrived at the Hospital there was a group of people waiting outside Momo's door expectantly. From who she could recognise there was Rangiku Matsumoto, who was Tōshirō's assistant and persistent pain in the ass; she was stood with her fiancé whose name Karin thought was Gin… something. What she did know about that man for sure was that Tōshirō hated him, but she didn't know why. As Karin looked at him she could see that in other circumstances he would be a very handsome man; if he opened his eyes maybe, as he wasn't that bad to look at, but there was something about him that had her on guard. As he wound his arms around Matsumoto in a loving embrace all that was forgotten because as she leaned back in to him, the jokers grin that covered his features became genuine and it was a very handsome smile indeed. The others in the group were Izuru Kira and Shūhei Hisagi two of the other assistants at _Soul Serenity Designs_ the last person was Renji Abarai and he grinned at her when he saw her, she hugged him tightly and he ruffled her hair.

"How have you been kid it's been a while," he said into her ear,

"I'm good and you should visit more often!" She replied and he chuckled,

"I will when I know Ichigo is not around, he doesn't like me eating you out of house and home." Karin smiled in spite of herself and loosened her grip on Renji.

"So boss," Matsumoto finally said, "Do you want to see her first?" she nodded at the door, "We waited for you," Tōshirō squared his shoulder and then turned to Karin, in his eyes she could see his resolution.

"Thank you," he said softly, "I'm so happy you would come with me. Thank you for all you've done." That was it, she knew it, he was closing the door. She took his hand and held it tightly for a second and while all she could think of was _no stay with me, please stay with me!_ All that came out of her mouth was,

"You are so very welcome Tōshirō you deserved some share of happiness." She smiled so beatifically that Matsumoto's fiancé gasped as if he knew exactly what she was thinking. Tōshirō smiled genuinely and walked through the door and shut it on her, shutting her out; leaving her alone.

"Karin," Matsumoto said her voice soothing as she unclasped her fiancé's hands, "Are you okay?" She nodded and turned,

"I'm fine," she choked and ran down the corridor out of the hospital. She ran straight in to a taxi and hopped inside giving the driver directions as she choked back her tears.

"Okay little lady, but I hope you know the fare to the city isn't cheap."

"I know," she said as the tears began to fall, "but there is someone that I need to see."

"Are you okay?" he asked looking in the rear view mirror his large eyes concerned making his angular features less scary, "Did something bad happen in there?" she nodded and the taxi driver didn't ask anything more he just put the car in to gear and drove her to the city.

* * *

When they pulled up at the apartment complex Karin handed over the money for the cab fare and jumped out of the door running up to the front of the building as fast as she could. She got inside the lobby and rang the intercom for her brother's apartment.

"Hello Ichigo Kurosaki…" He said sounding sleepy it seemed that he had been up with Grimmjow the night before and he was exhausted. "How may I help?"

"Ichi-nii," she wept "Please let me in."

"Karin what's wrong?" he asked as the door buzzed open. She ran up the stairs to her brother's apartment and when she got there the door was open and she ran in to the brothers arms crying. She felt him wrap his arms around her and lift her over the threshold so he could close his apartment door. "Karin what is it?" he asked stroking her hair, "You haven't cried this hard since mom's funeral." That didn't seem to be the right thing to say as she only started to cry harder, "Karin I can't help if you don't tell me what happened. Who hurt you?" Karin sucked in her breath as hard as she could and managed to reply,

"She woke up," Ichigo felt his eyebrows knit in confusion,

"Who?" He asked still stroking her hair,

"Momo," Karin sobbed as she loosened her grip on her brother.

"And she is?" He asked as he wasn't good with names as a general rule,

"Tōshirō's childhood friend,"

"Rat bastard," Ichigo spat as he marched to the door. Karin knew that walk she had seen it so many times in the past, her brother may not take the best care of himself, but when it came to protecting his sisters he took the role of being an older brother very seriously; which she had to admit had been a problem when she and Yuzu had been younger. Since he had felt there were a lot of people that he needed to beat up so she and Yuzu didn't cry. She grabbed his shirt tails and pulled him back, "Karin what are you doing?" he asked without turning around, "I'm going to teach that guy a lesson."

"No Ichi-nii stay," she said still sobbing, "It's not really his fault." Ichigo softened and turned to his little sister. She looked in to his face for the first time since ploughing through the door and sucked in her breath. Her brother's face was mottled with day old bruises as if someone had been using it for target practice. Karin knew it wasn't just someone; it was Grimmjow, the spiky blue haired bastard had hit Ichigo again. She didn't like it seeing him this way, but she knew that he gave as good as he got and that Grimmjow must have gone in to work at the office with at least a split lip, but it didn't make it any easier. What she really wanted was for Ichigo to give up on Grimmjow, she knew it would hurt, but then at least he could move on to someone who was gentle and who deserved her brother's love and who she hoped would even return it. Grimmjow did not deserve him, but he didn't seem to realise it. She touched his face softly and he flinched, "Let's get some ice on this," she said and Ichigo gave her what she assumed was a smile from under all the bruises,

"It's not that bad, you should see the other guy." He said with a quirk of his lips,

"As if I care about him," she stated taking her brothers hand in her own dragging him towards his kitchen. She took out the ice pack that her father had put in the last time they visited just in case he caught Ichigo by surprise and managed to hurt him. As of yet it still hadn't been used to ice any of Ichigo's wounds; as they hadn't visited, but she wondered if it would ever be used to treat any of Ichigo's wounds inflicted by their father as he hadn't been surprised by their idiot father since he was twelve. When she put it up to his swollen cheek he flinched, but he let her nurse him knowing that she would be better if she didn't concentrate on what had upset her.

"So what happened then Karin? Because you don't normally run in here with tears in your eyes," Karin stiffened for a second and then relaxed sighing as she leant against the bench.

"You know how I was dating Tōshirō Hitsugaya?" She asked pushing a hand through her shoulder length hair, Ichigo nodded leaning against his fridge the ice pack clamped against his cheek. "Did I ever tell you that I knew the love of his life was a vegetable in the hospital and that I may or may not be a replacement for her?" Ichigo seemed to lose his footing and slid down the fridge to the floor,

"No I didn't know that… why would you do that to yourself?" he asked and watched as Karin eyed up her brother; he in return coloured slightly and turned away. "I have no taste apparently so you have to forgive me for that." he said and Karin laughed bitterly,

"Neither do I," she said and her brother chuckled, "I fell in love with someone who I knew was most likely in love with someone else. I let myself be carried away. I knew that at some point it could all fall apart and that I would be hurt, but I didn't care. Now look at me." Ichigo stood up and pulled his little sister in to a tight hug.

"So what happened?" he asked again hoping she wouldn't avoid the point again,

"We got a phone call at about five this morning from the hospital, Momo had woken up, she had come out of her coma and that Tōshirō should come down to the hospital as soon as possible. He wouldn't even look at me. I got dressed and then he turned around and he was closed off to me, he asked me to go with him and I thought that if only for a little while longer if I could be with him it would be okay, so I went. Then he closed the door in my face at the hospital after thanking me for saving him I suppose." Ichigo felt the tears seep though his shirt. "That was it, I knew it was over."

"But he didn't say that did he?" Ichigo asked smiling softly, "maybe he went in there to tell her, that he still cared for her, but that he had found someone else."

"He didn't need to," Karin replied smiling tightly, "Have you ever felt that you knew something without actually being told about it?" Her brother didn't answer, but she took it as an affirmation. Ichigo didn't lie it wasn't in his nature so if he didn't answer she knew he must have been wanting to tell her the truth, but thought better of it not wanting to hurt her more. He squeezed her tighter for just a moment and then let go. As he went to get some cups so he could make some tea which had always been their mom's miracle cure Karin's phone rang.

"Karin Kurosaki, how can I help?" she asked her voice thick with tears.

"Karin, where did you go?" A strangled and worried voice cried out on the other end of the line,

"Tōshirō?" She asked and Ichigo watched as her eyes lit up slightly. "What is it?"

"You ran off, I was so worried. I asked Matsumoto, but she didn't know where you went; she said that you left after I went in to Momo's room…" He trailed off his voice deep and from what Karin could glean from the tone it was something akin to regret. "Can we meet? We need to talk." Karin wanted to shout down the phone _we have nothing to talk about you've always wanted to be with her so stay with her, leave me alone to grieve _but what came out of her mouth instead was,

"Sure if you want, I'm in the city at the moment meeting my brother…"

"I know this place; I can be there in half an hour the café is called _Balamb Garden_ it's in the Ginza."

"Okay," Karin replied looking at her brother, "I'll ask Ichi-nii where it is, so I'll see you there in an hour?"

"That sounds good," he said back, "Oh and Karin…"

"Yes?" She asked her voice hitching slightly,

"I'm sorry for how I acted earlier. I thought I should tell you now; just in case… I may chicken out later."

"It's okay Tōshirō I understand," she said and hung up before he could say anything else. Ichigo raised his eyebrows in concern, but he didn't ask anything which Karin was happy for; because she couldn't get what she was feeling in to words. "Ichi-nii do you know where a café called _Balamb Garden_ is in the Ginza?" Ichigo rubbed his chin for a second deep in thought and Karin was worried that he was going to say no, but then his eyes lit up in recognition and he smiled.

"Yeah I do, let me throw a jacket on and I'll take you there."

"Okay," She said smiling back, "Oh and Ichi-nii do I still have some clothes here that I left the last time we visited?"

"I think so why?" Ichigo asked as he headed out of the kitchen,

"Well…" At that Ichigo turned around and Karin undid the coat she still had on, when Ichigo saw the dress she saw a small amount of colour rise in his cheeks,

"I'll go look give me a second." He said trying not to walk in to his bedroom door. Karin sat down on the couch in the living room letting her chin fall on her chest as she tried to breathe deeply hoping that it would help the situation it didn't. Each and every part of her hurt from her finger tips to her hair, she had cried so much in the last hour that she was exhausted and didn't know why she had agreed to meet Tōshirō because she knew that nothing good could come out of it.

She heard Ichigo come back in the room and turned around. He was holding one of his shirts and a pair of her jeans.

"I couldn't find any of your t-shirts but I do have your jeans I hope that's okay." Karin smiled at her brother and ran to him kissing him on his unwounded cheek.

"Thank you Ichi-nii," Karin chuckled as she took the clothes and headed to his bathroom, "The shirt you found will be just fine." She pulled off her dress and threw it unceremoniously on the floor and then pulled the sea blue shirt around her and did up all the buttons. After that she pulled on her old jeans that she thought she lost and was pleasantly surprised that they still fit perfectly. She walked out of the bathroom stopping only briefly to pick up her dress and throw it in the bin; it wasn't like she was going to need something that pretty after today anyway. She wasn't going to be trying to impress anyone else, because if it was going to hurt like this when it was over it was not worth it.

"Okay so Karin I'll give you a lift grab a coffee; then I'll go meet my client for lunch," Ichigo said as he walked towards his door.

"But Ichi-nii… your face…" she left the question open ended as she didn't want to spook him, but when her brother turned to face her, his skin was all the same colour as if the bruise had vanished in an instant. She strode across the room towards him and touched his still swollen cheek, it was silky smooth. "Ichi-nii are you wearing make-up?" she asked her tone suspicious and worried.

"Well I can't rightly meet my client with that can I? And I can't really cancel either, so yeah is it okay?"

"If you mean is it okay covering then yeah, but if you're asking me if this is okay, then hell no Ichi-nii this is not okay." He looked embarrassed as he opened the door,

"It's really not that bad and this was an accident anyway."

"That is what all beaten wives say."

"Come on lets go," he said as he dragged her through the door and Karin knew that was the end of that discussion. She didn't like it much; that her relationship issues could be free game for ridicule, but her brothers weren't. As they descended the stairs to the parking garage she prayed that soon the evil scumbag of a boyfriend he had would find a new mark and leave her lovely naive brother alone.

He opened the door to the parking garage and Karin saw it: her brothers pride and joy, the sleek lines the wide nose and the distinctive "beep beep" when he unlocked it. Karin still could not believe that he had bought one, but she had to admit when her brother stood next to it in his pressed trousers and navy shirt he looked every inch a businessman that could afford to buy and would buy a top of the range _Porche Carrera _in midnight black. He opened his door and slid in to the black leather seats that he had specially asked for and waited for Karin to join him. Reluctantly she did and when she had buckled herself in her brother smiled and revved the engine; she listened as it purred to life softly like a satisfied kitten. Karin hadn't expected that she had always assumed that it would growl to life. She was sat shaking her head as they drove out the garage smoothly when her brother finally spoke.

"What's with the disapproving look?" he asked as he slid his beast in to gear with no sign of resistance.

"I was just thinking that sometimes you could throw some of this extra cash our way." she said and Ichigo laughed,

"My darling sister I do, but you have to be a little older to get at it." Karin's jaw dropped and Ichigo laughed harder, "I just don't flaunt it about, I was going to tell you when you and Yuzu turned twenty one… but now I've spoilt the surprise."

"Wow…" Karin mumbled stunned, "Thanks I guess," her brother took her hand for a second and squeezed it,

"What's family for if not for this?" he asked, but Karin was too stunned to answer. Ten minutes later they pulled up outside a club that Karin could not believe was the café that Tōshirō was talking about.

"It's down the street a bit, but there is no parking there." Her brother said as if answering her unasked question.

"Oh okay, thanks again."

"I'll meet you down there in a minute, could you order me an Americano please?" he asked his deep brown eyes far too warm for their own good.

"Sure, but you owe me," he smiled and nodded so Karin got out of the car. She stood and looked at the club at the other side of the street, the place was brand new by the look of it and the owner was just getting around to putting up the name. The neon light spelt out _Club Nibelheim _in great swirling letters and was being hoisted to a position above the door by two men on ladders one was a tall thin man with long red hair in a ponytail down his back; with sunglasses perched on the top of his head and the other man was large and bald with sunglasses masking most of his features. She watched as they were directed by a tall man that was standing on the curb he had blonde spiked hair and a stud in his left ear. He was wearing a black silk shirt and jeans that were such a light faded blue that they matched the sky. He looked over at her and smiled, it startled Karin so she walked along the street to the café that Tōshirō had mentioned. It was a quaint little place tucked behind a large family restaurant; she looked at the window and liked it immediately.

* * *

She walked in the door and was assaulted by the smell of ground coffee beans, it was heavenly, when she got to the counter the only other person that she could see in the café turned around and he was stunningly handsome.

"Welcome," he said in a soft smoky voice, "how may I help?" he asked picking up a cup, Karin looked at him and saw the large scar that marred his face, it began on his forehead on the right side of his face and ended on his left cheek just below his eye. It was as mysterious as it was defining and looking at him made it hard for Karin to think.

"Ummmm a regular Americano and a regular vanilla latté with and extra shot of syrup please?" she ordered leaving her personal addition as a question. The man behind the counter smiled at her and cleared his throat,

"Coming up," he said getting ready for action. "I like people who are willing to really ask for what they want, shows initiative and creativity."

"Thank you… I think" He turned from the coffee grinder and pulled his apron tighter,

"It's a compliment, honestly." He turned back to his work as the bell above the door rang and her brother walked in. She linked her arm with his and snuggled in to his side hoping that maybe the world would go away for just a little while. When the server was finished with the order he turned around and grinned at her brother, "Ichigo Kurosaki as I live and breathe; how are you my brother?" She felt her brother relax and saw him smile,

"Squall Leonhart, I thought you sold this place to that friend of yours after Ishida messed up the design… the last I heard of you was Renji telling me you were in the Dominican Republic. What happened?"

"Long story," Squall replied, "Let's just say plans fell through and I am still here." Ichigo nodded not wanting to ask any more questions and from what Karin could see Squall was happy for it. He slid the two cups over and her brother paid for them before she even had a chance to get out the change to cover it. He nodded to the window and when Karin turned around she saw the hypnotic shock of white hair that she loved and felt her heart do a little flip in her chest.

Ichigo took his coffee and sat at the back of the café as Karin walked in to the middle while Tōshirō walked through the door. He didn't look up as he ordered his coffee, but Karin heard what he wanted from across the room; an iced latté how fitting for a heart that was so cold. When Squall had filled in his order Tōshirō finally turned around and looked at Karin. She was shocked at how tortured his eyes looked; his teal eyes were storm tossed and as he walked towards her she could see whirlpools forming in them and the dark clouds passing over his face as if he could control the weather. He sat down opposite her and stared in to his coffee as if it had all the answers in the universe inside its milky depths.

"Is she okay then?" Karin asked her voice as level as was physically possible for a person who was being torn apart from the inside out. Tōshirō looked up at her and then looked away,

"Yeah she is, they've done some tests and it appears that she's fine. She doesn't have any idea what happened to her, but otherwise she is in perfect health."

"That's good," Karin managed to choke out as she drank some of her coffee and feeling it burn her throat, any other day she would have complained at how stupid she was for drinking it so hot, but today the heat was grounding.

"I suppose," He said softly taking Karin's hand in his before she could run away. "Karin…" he stopped as he saw the tears in her obsidian eyes.

"Choose me," she whispered, "I know it's selfish of me, but choose me!" Tōshirō squeezed her hand and hope filled his tortured eyes, but he shook his head and it vanished.

"You know it's not that easy," he replied and dropped her hand,

"It's perfectly easy," she said and saw from the corner of her eye as her brother left the café signalling to her that when it was over that she should call him. "You can love her or you can love me. It's one or the other,"

"You know that's not true,"

"Why not?" She asked exasperated, "Why can't you stay with me?!" she rubbed her eyes angry at her tears, "What is so hard? I'm not saying that you can't see her. I'm not that selfish, but please choose me, stay with me, be with me, please." She knew she was begging but there was nothing that she could do, she had never had one selfish desire since her mom had died and now she wasn't going to let the chance pass her by when there was something that she wanted more than anything else in the world, but when she looked in to his eyes she knew she was fighting a losing battle.

"She needs me, right now; she needs someone that she knows, someone that she trusts. I need to be at her side for a little while, so I won't be able to see you." He said and Karin nodded while the tears fell from her eyes and off her face to spatter her napkin that was on the table in front of her,

"Okay, I understand," she said while inside her head she was screaming, _I need you too! I don't understand what is going on! You have thrown everything in to disarray! I need you so please, please stay with me._

"You do?" Tōshirō asked seemingly suspicious and Karin nodded,

"You better go back to her," she pushed a hand through her hair so it no longer covered her face, "She needs you and I need to get to class." She stood up and nodded at Squall behind the counter, he nodded back his hair falling in to his eyes as he did so. She walked past Tōshirō and he grabbed her hand pulling her back as he stood. He kissed her so softly that it tore her apart completely. This was not what she wanted, she didn't want to be the other woman and the way he looked at her after he had kissed her it looked as if she was.

"You are so much better than I am." He said and rested his forehead on hers his white hair tickling her cheek in a way that she had once had found sweet and perfect, but now it only brought pain. "You are so beautiful," he said his voice devoid of any hope. He let her go and Karin ran out of the café towards the nearest taxi. She hopped in and was shocked to see it was the same driver from earlier,

"So it didn't get any better then?" he asked sweetly and Karin shook her head, "I'm sure it will at some point little one," he said, "Look on the bright side soon there is a big fireworks festival and my sister has promised that there is going to be a big finale this year, her best ever." Karin smiled and settled back in to her chair, "Well little one where can Bonnie and I take you?" he asked looking at her in the rear view mirror.

"Kurosaki clinic in Karakura please," she said and the taxi driver smiled, "Please take me home."


	7. Chapter 6

_AN: Oh Shiro you are such an idiot!_

As he kissed her he could taste the salt from her tears on her lips and it was a bitter reminder of all the pain she must have been suffering through. He knew that from his side in a matter of hours his world had been turned upside down, but he had in the back of his mind always been preparing for this; in some small way at least. The next few words he mumbled he knew were going to hurt Karin more than he would have liked, but he also knew they were the truth. She was beautiful and she was too good for him. He also knew deep down that it wasn't what she wanted to hear, her obsidian eyes said it all when he finally looked at them. They were soulless depths that scared him and as she ran out of the café he wanted nothing more than to sink in to oblivion and be free of his new found state of torture.

All the time that Momo had been sleeping he had wished for her to wake up and nothing more, he had lived fuelled on that one ambition until he was hit by hurricane Karin. After he had met her, having Momo sleeping or having her awake didn't seem to be such a problem or an obstacle anymore. He knew that he still loved Momo, but she wasn't the only thing he was living for and seeing the despair in Karin's eyes he knew that she had already resigned herself to her fate. She thought that she had been the replacement for Momo, when the truth was she had bulldozed herself so far in to his life that he didn't even think of Momo anymore and that was what made matters worse. The fact that for even a second he had forgotten about her had ripped him apart with sheer guilt. He slumped down on his chair as the brown haired guy behind the counter gave him a disapproving look. He was ready to pick a fight with him until he saw the scar across his nose that made his handsome face rugged, a man like that would be reckless and would more than likely kick his ass.

"You're an idiot," the café owner said, "I don't think I have ever seen a woman who was so sincere in her feelings." He shook his head and his hair fell in to his eyes, "This other woman must be something spectacular." He wiped down the counter before he spoke again, "I know little of Ichigo's siblings, but I know him pretty well, he, Renji and I used to be drinking buddies at college. If she is anything like her brother; then I know for a fact that she most likely has never done a selfish thing since their mother died, so for her to stand in company and say what she did showed that she really was in love with you little man and that you are without a doubt an idiot." Tōshirō grumbled and pushed his hand through his hair as the owner carried on, "A love like that only comes around once in a life time and I should know." He said looking pained

"You aren't big on customer service are you?" he asked and café owner barked a laugh.

"Depends on the customer, I Squall Leonhart am a lone wolf and therefore see mere mortals as beneath me. Mostly it just depends on how much a like a client and you made a girl cry so you don't get the silver service package." Tōshirō laughed bitterly at that, but Squall hadn't finished, "So who is the delicate flower that you are passing on a passionate Kurosaki for?" Tōshirō looked at Squall taken slightly off guard by the question he raised his eyebrow, but the café owner only smirked in a way that suggested _think what you will_. He sighed and moved up to the counter,

"She's a childhood friend of mine; she's someone that is very important to me." Squall nodded and Tōshirō carried on, "She was attacked while walking home one night and the internal damage from the wound cause complications in the surgery that she had. She slipped in to a coma and it looked like she would never come out of it."

"So you thought in the mean time that you would shack up with one of Ichigo's sisters?" he asked and shuddered slightly, "You are an idiot, but you are brave… no one would normally do that, because if you break her… he will break you." Squall said thickly and Tōshirō felt uncomfortable which only made Squall laugh,

"I didn't shack up with her," he mumbled,

"Don't worry I think his sisters are the only ones that can calm him down, plus from the looks of that bruise that he was trying so hard to hide, there is someone else that is trying to break him and is maybe succeeding." Tōshirō trembled, he had never thought Ichigo could be weak, but he had to admit that when he had seen him today, he had seemed different, docile perhaps, subservient even and these were two words that he would have never used to describe Ichigo before.

"I think I'm in love with her," he said without thinking, Squall stopped his cleaning of the espresso machine and turned to Tōshirō,

"Who?" he asked softly leaning on the counter, even after all the times that he had wanted to run from his job he could still be this concerned about customers, it was true absence made the heart grow fonder and softer.

"Karin," Tōshirō replied shaking his head bitterly the hair over his left eye shaking with him.

"So what is the problem?" He asked propping his head up on his hands.

"I want to hate her," Tōshirō said bitterly and in response Squall looked confused,

"I don't think I get it," he stated and Tōshirō smiled grimly,

"I don't want to love her." He stated firmly, not that Squall looked any less confused by Tōshirō's outburst.

"But the heart wants what the heart wants right?" Squall asked making himself a cup of coffee now and coming around to the customer side of the counter.

"It wants the pair of them…" Tōshirō said in the barest whisper,

"Now that I agree is a bit of a problem," Squall said back as he nervously rubbed the scar across his nose. "Don't you hate this other one as well?" Tōshirō looked lost so Squall enlightened him, "If she hadn't come out of the coma you wouldn't be here. Don't you resent her a little for waking up?"

"It's not Momo's fault that she was attacked." He growled at Squall who raised his hands in surrender.

"I never said it was her fault little man, but don't you resent her just a little bit? It seems to me that you had finally decided on something and her waking up has put the proverbial spanner in the works, that you can't deny."

"I suppose I had fallen for Karin and Momo coming out of her coma has ruined it a little… but I blame Karin too, she was the one that was always so positive that Momo would come out of the coma, she always helped me at the hospital."

"When was the last time you visited?" Squall asked being genuinely curious,

"About two months ago, it was before Momo's birthday" Tōshirō had no idea why he was giving this information up so easily, but for all his ruggedness Squall seemed to be a genuine and nice guy,

"Did you go with Karin?" He asked and Tōshirō nodded, "Was it the last time you visited her too?" Tōshirō nodded again, "So you decide on your childhood sweetheart's birthday that perusing her is going to be fruitless and you realise that the girl right next to you is the one you want. Man did you throw caution to the wind."

"When you put it that way, it was pretty reckless." Tōshirō agreed pushing a hand through his spikes.

"But she made you feel alive did she not?" Squall asked, but wasn't waiting for a reply, "You were dead till you met her and then everything was better, easier, brighter." He sighed deeply and smiled at Tōshirō, "I know what that feels like little man it's intoxicating, it's better than any drug and becomes as necessary as the very air we breathe. You can hate one or the other, or you can hate both, but never let go of that feeling you had with the berry's little sister because it is irreplaceable." Squall smiled and patted Tōshirō on the head as if he were a child, Tōshirō grumbled he hated when people did that, he wasn't a child… or a pet.

"So what do I do?" he asked exasperated, "I love them and hate them both," he said sighing deeply,

"I'm not sure, but if you think it's safer to hate Karin, you are so very wrong my friend so very wrong indeed." Squall pushed a hand through his hair and blew out his breath, "You have to choose little man so choose wisely. You have to remember that this Momo may not be the same person that you loved, but you know exactly who Karin is now. Are you willing to give that up?" For a guy who owned a café that was decorated with symmetrical crosses and razor sharp lines Squall was a man of deep and unwavering affection and it took Tōshirō a little while to adjust.

"I think that may be the question of the hour." He said before leaving _Balamb Garden_ as silently as he had entered it.


	8. Chapter 7

_AN: This is a little bit filler-ish since I still don't have the guts to write the confrontation yet. Hang tight it is coming..._

Her phone rang again, but she didn't pick up. It had been like this for the last three months and she had yet to crack. She heard Yuzu sigh as the phone in the kitchen rang and she picked it up. Karin heard the mumbled conversation before her twin walked in to their room her face stony as she placed her hands on her hips.

"You are going to have to talk to him at some point!" Yuzu said with concern brimming in her eyes, "I can't keep answering the phone and telling him that you are at soccer practice or helping dad. I think he's got it by now that you are avoiding his calls." Karin looked up from the book she was pretending to study and smiled softly at her sister.

"If he can drop classes, then I can drop him." Yuzu shook her head and walked out of their room not wanting to argue. If there was one thing she knew about her twin; it was that she and their older brother were far too alike and that they were both too stubborn for their own good.

After Yuzu left her alone again Karin thought over the first day back after Momo had woken up and felt the distinct prickle behind her eyes. She was stronger now though and she wasn't going to let her feelings for him over take her.

She had walked in to class as normal and had sat in her usual seat, when her lecturer came in they took attendance, but didn't call his name, Karin had raised her hand to question it only to be told that he had dropped classes and as her lecturer had put it,

"It would seem that having as many degrees as he does, it would appear that Literature is not one of the ones he needs." The thought of not being able to see him at all cut her the most, but the fact that he hadn't even had the decency to ever say that he would possibly drop classes if Momo woke up made her angry enough that she didn't contemplate the hurt.

Sitting at her desk shaking off the reverie her phone rang again and leaning over she saw that the number was withheld and because that couldn't be Tōshirō she picked it up,

"Karin Kurosaki?" She asked softly trying to package all the hurt she was feeling in to a box at the bottom of her soul,

"Karin-chan?" a smooth almost smoky voice asked and she felt her nerve start to shred.

"Uncle Shu..." she replied holding the phone closer to her ear to absorb his warmth even across the phone line.

"He needs to speak to you," he said softly not needing to say who,

"I can't," she said and heard the distinctive click of another phone being added to the conference,

"You should," A softer voice spoke and her resolve wavered again,

"Uncle Jū... it's easier said than done. I don't know what to say to him."

"Then say nothing, just let him talk," Her godfather said softly and she could hear Jūshirō grunt in affirmation.

"I can't do that either," Karin said her voice breaking, "Every time he tries to explain I end up begging. I can't do it anymore." She felt the tears slip down her cheeks, "I'm not Momo and I never will be." She heard a sharp exhale of breath followed by a whistle which she knew came from Shunsui her godfather,

"I am grateful for that Karin-chan," he said his voice light in tone.

"We wouldn't want you any other way Karin," Jūshirō added his voice sincere.

"But that is what he wants," She said brushing away the tears with the back of her hand,

"He doesn't know what he wants," the pair replied in unison making her smile and it was the first real smile for a long time,

"Are you still coming for dinner this weekend?" She asked, "Ichi-nii can't make it due to some grand opening of a club he designed, but he told us to send his love."

"We wouldn't miss it for the world," Jūshirō chortled and then Shunsui added,

"We have big news to tell you so you bet we'll show; wild horses couldn't stop me coming to taste Yuzu-chan's cooking." Karin laughed and the pair of older men sighed; clearly knowing that she hadn't laughed in an age and she was warmed by their concern. As much as she loved her family and all the support they had given her in the last few months it was nice to find out that there were others that loved her too. She just wished deep down inside that Tōshirō had loved her that much as well.

"If he wants to talk to me so bad, he can meet me at the top of the hill where the road curves around the valley at sunset tomorrow, if he doesn't show; that's it no more chances and he has to stop phoning the house, because Yuzu can't take it anymore." She heard one of the older men laugh, but on the phone it was difficult to discern who it was until they spoke.

"We will pass the message on to him Karin-chan, good luck honey." Shunsui said, his voice warming her up from the inside.

"If you need us you know where to reach us," Jūshirō added.

"Thank you Uncle Shu, Uncle Jū." Karin said as she went to hang up the phone, "Love you both."

"Love you too," they chimed in before all three of them hung up the phone. As she laid her phone of the desk she couldn't believe that she had really agreed to do this, she was going to see him again. Even after all they had been through.

Why did she think this was a good idea?

* * *

Karin had just gone back to studying when her phone rang again raising her hackles until she saw her brother's name flashing on the screen in an impatient fashion. She sighed and as she picked up she remembered what had happened after she had got home the morning Momo had woken up.

The taxi driver had refused to let her out down the street from her house. He had insisted that he make sure she got home okay until she had given up arguing with him and snuggled in to the back seat hoping that she could just vanish in to the ether.

She had stumbled out the taxi an hour later at the doors of the _Kurosaki Clinic_ and when she had tried to pay him for the return journey; he had shook his head before slapping the door of the car lovingly.

"Bonnie and I are happy to help damsels in distress so your money is no good here little one." She had once again tried to convince him that she was good for the money and that he should take it, but he had once again shaken his head before saying, "The self proclaimed protector of Karakura will never take the money of a girl suffering from such a broken heart." He had then laid his hand on her arm before grinning wickedly and finishing with, "I meant what I said earlier my sister makes the best fireworks, so be sure to come and see the Shiba display at the summer festival in two Sunday's time. You better come early; the places by the river sell out fast... so to speak." Karin couldn't help it, his enthusiasm was catching,

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," she found herself replying.

"Good!" With that he drove off waving manically from the driver's side window as he vanished around the corner. At his leaving Karin felt the enthusiasm he had passed to her wane and she walked robotically in to the front parlour of the house hoping against all hope that she would be alone.

Blissfully she was.

She had told Tōshirō that she wanted to get to class, but that had been a lie. All she wanted to do was curl up in her brother's bed and pretend that the world outside didn't exist. She went to the fridge and retrieved her emergency chocolate from the back of it; where she hid it from her dad with some of her protein shakes and took a quick swig of the whiskey that he hid under the sink before she went upstairs.

She rounded the corner of the upstairs landing and saw her brother's door with the '_15_' plaque still hanging pride of place in the middle. Even though he had moved out a few years ago none of them wanted to change his room, because if they left it the way he had; then it was as if Ichigo was still in the house with them. It was the same reason why her dad Isshin kept the picture of their mother in the living room; although Karin and Yuzu could barely remember her it was as if she were still living in the house with them. One thing that Kurosaki's couldn't let go of were family ties; no matter how much they may hurt.

She opened the door and looked inside his room, as always it was practically empty as if the idea of clutter offended him, she walked across the clean floor and realised that Yuzu had been in recently to tidy up; which was so like her twin. She stared out of the window imagining her brother sat on the ledge outside as if he was waiting for something exciting to happen in their little suburb.

In her mind she could see him turning to her, his stupid orange hair in his eyes as he smiled at her the frown that normally marred his handsome face gone and replaced with soft laughter lines and open optimism. She ran across the room to the phantom image of her brother and fell on the bed in a heap pulling his pillow in to her chest as she cried. When she had finally calmed down she pulled out her phone and phoned Ichigo hoping that he had finished with the lunch date he had with his client. He picked up on the first ring,

"Yo!" he said in greeting and Karin hugged his pillow harder,

"Ichi-nii..." she said and she could hear her brother sit down on the other end of the phone,

"You want me to kill him, because I can you know," She stifled her laugh at her brother's reaction,

"No," she said softly taking comfort in his warm voice, "I just thought he would pick me," She heard him sigh before he covered the receiver to say something to one of his colleagues.

"He's an idiot," he said finally, "Anyone who passes on you is an idiot."

"Ichi-nii, you are biased," she replied trying not to sound as happy by the compliment as she felt.

"You bet your ass I am, if that little white haired punk thinks that Miss I only have eyes for Sousuke Aizen is better than my sister then he deserves all the misery that is undoubtedly coming to him." Karin sniggered at that,

"Is it okay if I sleep in your bed tonight," she asked before she could stop herself; she waited for her brother's confused response, but it didn't come instead he chuckled warming her to her ice cold bones,

"Sleep there as long as you need sis," he said before adding, "Sweet dreams," she went to say something back, but fell asleep the minute he said those words.

_He could always make the demons go away_ Karin thought as she picked up his call and put the phone to her ear,

"Karin?" he asked his voice sounding broken,

"What has happened Ichi-nii?" Karin asked her heart beating too fast in her chest as she started to panic about her brother. In response to her fight or flight reaction to his tone she began to shovel her books in to her bag to go see him, damn school! Family trumped everything else. Ichigo snorted at the concern he heard in his sister's voice, it was why he had phoned her. Yuzu was sweet and lovely, but she was too soft in all likelihood she would have cried with him. Karin however was as hard as nails and he knew that she would break walls and faces to get to his side.

"Calm down Karin," He said pushing a hand through his hair dishevelling it more than he already had in the hours since the incident. "I was only calling to say that you don't have to worry about Grimmjow anymore." Karin bit back her sigh of relief before it left her lips because she knew that no matter what the bastard had done to her brother, for better or worse Ichigo had loved him.

She dropped her bag on the floor knowing that she didn't need to rush to her brother's side just yet and walked to his room closing the door silently behind her.

"Tell me what happened Ichi-nii don't leave anything out. I have all the time in the world."


	9. Chapter 8

He felt like an idiot as he stood in front of the mirror in his apartment smoothing down his clothes. It wasn't like Karin hadn't seen him first thing in the morning or after a long day at work, so why was he so worried about his appearance? It wasn't like he was going on a date. Finally after months of trying to get Karin on the phone, as well as spending most of the time staring at the phone trying to work up the courage to pick up said piece of technology he had used kryptonite against her in the form of her godfather.

Finally after months of dreaming of her. He was going to see her face and tell her everything that he had always meant to tell her. Even though at that time he didn't have the chance or the words. He would tell her everything.

He would.

Of that he was sure.

"Shirō," Momo said in her soft feminine way as she walked in to the bathroom behind him smiling softly. "What is it? You look like you've seen a ghost..." She straightened her hair in the mirror and then looked at him again confusion furrowing her brow. "Shirō is there something wrong?" She lifted her hand to cup his cheek and he flinched visibly making her eyes water. "You spoke to her didn't you?" She asked her tone unable to mask her suspicion or venom. "I told you there was no point talking to that girl. So why did you go behind my back and talk to her? Why Shirō?" She wailed accusing him with her stare, before her eyes went glassy and she dropped her hand from his face, "Aizen-sama told me that you would do this, why didn't I listen? He told me that the little Kurosaki witch had put a spell on you, but I didn't believe it... not my little Shirō." Tōshirō balled his hands in to fists at her outburst; before he spoke as levelly as he could manage,

"Momo, stop it!" he said reaching up and holding her face between his ice cold hands as he kissed her forehead softly. "I haven't spoken to her; she won't take any of my calls." The look in his teal eyes scorched her, but she knew that he was speaking the truth and she relaxed, breathing deeply willing the paranoia she felt to the back of her mind for the moment at least.

"You are going to see her though aren't you?" She asked her voice laced with acid, under that stare Tōshirō couldn't lie to her even if he wanted to.

"How do you know?" he asked instead of confirming her suspicions head on.

"You've been back here for the last hour trying on every black shirt you own. I know you aren't doing it for me!" She replied her voice brittle. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly before he apologised to her.

"Sorry Momo, I'm going to see Karin to tell her our news before someone else tells her first. I think she should hear it from me. The last thing I want to do is hurt her more." Momo nodded, she understood that she shouldn't be jealous of the girl she never saw, but since coming out of her coma she hadn't really been very rational and the smallest thing put her on edge. It didn't help that the only people she trusted were her boss Aizen and Tōshirō. It meant she became jealous as soon as another person broke in to her close circle; most days Matsumoto-san and her evil scheming husband Ichimaru were on the top of her hit list.

"Okay," she said eventually, "I don't like it, but I will allow it. Hurry home." She said before brushing his lips with her own in a chaste kiss that left Tōshirō cold. He nodded numbly and walked out the bathroom all the while thinking of the words he needed to say to Karin as he slid the ring off his finger and placed it in his pocket.

* * *

She was breathtaking as she stood leaning against the guard rail at the side of the road. Her hair was down flowing around her shoulders like a raven black water fall; as the dying sunlight bathed her in a rosy glow. She was wearing jeans and a leather jacket to keep off the chill and still he could see her lying in his arms; in his bed on a summer afternoon her skin pressed against his. He shook his head to clear the image from his mind as he fluidly stepped over the guard rail to stand next to her. He felt her stiffen and he could sense her guard was up. _Well at least one of us is using our brains_ he thought bitterly.

"So what was so important that you had to use Uncle Shu and Uncle Ju to get me to talk to you?" she asked barely glancing at him as she watched the sun continue to set between the valley in the distance. He cleared his throat trying as hard as possible not to let their skin brush, because he knew the smallest of contact would break him.

"I had to tell you something," he said his voice oddly high to his own ears, he felt Karin square her shoulders as she set her jaw before she spoke,

"Well shoot." Tōshirō would have thought her calm if he didn't know her better. She was on edge and trying to not let it show and even though it shouldn't her discomfort, comforted him.

"Momo and I... are engaged." He said on a rush of exhalation and he saw Karin's lip quiver in his peripheral vision.

"Congratulations," she ground out trying to stop the tears falling.

"Thank you," he replied hollowly, "Just so you know I want you to be the best man." Karin scoffed at that and actually turned to him, her obsidian eyes were so pained he could feel it like a stab to his gut.

"You can't seriously be saying that can you?" she asked as she rung her hands through each other.

"The best man for the job is a woman right?" he asked feeling more than a little sheepish, but Karin smiled briefly so it made it all worth it.

"I'm flattered," she said after a pause, "But I can't do that." She finished as she stepped back over the guard rail. "You'll have to find someone else; because I don't think Momo would be happy over the choice." She glanced back to see him nervously pushing up the back of his hair,

"She wasn't, you are right, but I had to ask."

"Thank you." She said softly as she turned again heading home. Tōshirō kicked himself and before she was out of sight, he called after her.

"Karin!" She stopped in the middle of the empty road and by the slight shaking of her frame he could tell that she was crying and he knew that she would never turn to face him.

"What is it Tō?" she asked and he felt her nickname send a shiver down his spine,

"I did love you," he said softly, but the words carried to her and he pushed his hands in to his pockets, _he did love her?_ Who was he kidding?! He still loved her, nothing had changed.

_Nothing had changed?!_

Everything had changed the moment that Momo had opened her eyes and called out his name before anyone else's. Karin turned to him with the tenderest of smiles curving her lips,

"I know." She replied wrapping her arms around her body as if she was cold. "I wish this was all so different, but I know it can't be. She needs you Tō so you should go back to her. Go back to being Shirō and forget me." She turned on her heels again and walked away from him her head down and her shoulders drawn together. He should have been mad that she didn't fight for him, but he reminded himself that she had tried that and where had that got them? Watching her walk away from him was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen, her pride and dignity made him feel not for the first time that he had made the wrong choice.

* * *

"Karin-chan!" Her dad shouted as he bounded up the stairs a day or so later; to the bedroom she still shared with her sister,

"What is it perv?" she asked as she leaned back on her chair to look at the one person in her family who she shared any physical resemblance with.

"Masaki, what happened to our beautiful Karin that made her so cold towards her father?" Karin sighed as he continued to talk to her mother like she was in the room with them. "It makes daddy so sad to see Karin being so mean." He glanced at her and in that moment she knew; he was trying to make her feel better and at knowing that simple fact she leapt in to his arms wrapping her arms around his neck. He enveloped her in his warmth and whispered sweet nothings in to her hair. Whatever he said didn't matter it was the fact that he was making the effort to comfort her that made all the difference. For the first time in a long time he was actually being her dad. They stood in her bedroom that way for the longest time as Karin absorbed all the warmth and love that her father had to offer.

"Karin-chan," he murmured a while later, "A letter arrived for you today, I don't know if you want to see it or not." She nodded in to his chest and he took the envelope out of his back pocket to pass to her. She felt the heavy paper and card and on it saw the _Soul Serenity Design's_ letterhead. She took a deep breath and as she began to open the envelope Isshin left her in peace and she was grateful for it.

She slid the plain, yet infinitely delicate card out and opened it shedding silver snowflakes all over the floor. On the inside in perfect sloping script was written,

_Miss Karin Kurosaki and guest,_

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of,_

_Master Tōshirō Hitsugaya and Miss Momo Hinamori._

_On the 31__st__ October at Shinra Shrine_

She laughed at the invite, _only he would get married on Halloween_ she thought as she placed the invitation back inside its envelope. She knew that him sending her an invitation was only a formality, but to be thought of made her smile in spite of it all. Not that she was going to go, there was not a big enough incentive in the universe that would make her put herself out there like that to be cut down again. Especially when she saw how perfect a bride Momo would be. She picked up her phone and selected the correct number before she dialled it.

After what seemed an age a deep and beautiful voice answered the phone.

"Tōshirō Hitsugaya's phone this is his assistant Rangiku Matsumoto. How may I be of assistance?"

"Rangiku-san," she said and all formality was dropped on the other end of the phone,

"Karin!" she practically squeaked, "What on earth are you doing calling at this hour, he isn't in. He doesn't get in before ten in the morning these days." Karin did not need to know that. Thinking about him and Momo together made her feel ill. She was glad however that he wouldn't overhear their conversation.

"I'm happy about that Rangiku-san." She said softly and she heard the older woman sigh,

"You are calling to RSVP for the wedding; aren't you?" she asked as more of a statement than a question.

"Yes." Karin said shortly and Rangiku knew the answer without the girl speaking not that she was surprised.

"I'll tell him you can't make it." She said her voice a gently whisper down the phone.

"Thank you." She was about to put the phone down when she heard the other woman inhale sharply, "Are you okay Rangiku-san?" she asked and heard an out of character chuckle in reply,

"I'm fine," she replied, "It's just he misses you, just so you know and it hurts me to see it, when you don't even know. I know he won't tell Momo or me about it, but sometimes I find him staring at the picture of the two of you and he looks... tortured." Karin sucked in her breath, but no words came to mind that would make it all okay. "You should have seen him trying and trying to phone you, you should have been here to see him looking at it like it was something that had been spat out of hell itself." She heard the chair Rangiku was sitting on groan in protest before she spoke again, "I'm so sorry it ended like this." She said softly to Karin,

"Me too," she finished hanging up the phone hoping that she had finally finished the book on Tōshirō Hitsugaya. Karin knew better as Yuzu always said _the heart wants what the heart wants_ and there is no stopping fate when she comes a knocking.


	10. Chapter 9

The hesitant knock on their front door on Sunday afternoon made Karin and Yuzu run towards it in excitement. The pair arrived at the door at the same time and swung it open so wide that the two men on the doorstep that were leaning against the door almost fell inside.

"Uncle Shu!" Karin screamed as Yuzu laughed,

"Uncle Jū!" She said with infinite glee the pair of men that was stood on the doorstep looked between the girls both of them beaming with pride. Shunsui was the first one over the threshold and he enveloped Karin and Yuzu in a warm embrace kissing each girl softly on the crowns of their heads. Jūshirō followed in close behind his lover and kissed each of them on the cheek holding their hands in his.

"It's so lovely to see you both," Jūshirō said in his soft velvet like tone; he was about to say something else, but from the living room there was a booming voice that called out to them all,

"Would that be our pervert guests arriving?" Shunsui laughed at the insult while Jūshirō looked a charming mix of baffled and hurt.

"The only pervert I can see is you dad." Karin said grinning.

"There is no pulling the wool over her eyes," Shunsui said laughing as the group entered the living room to see Isshin stood in a loud red and yellow Hawaiian shirt and bright blue jeans. "Couldn't you tone it down a little bit?" Shunsui asked and Isshin grabbed his old mentor in a large bear hug.

"Now why would I want to do that?" Isshin asked, "I left the company so I could wear all the most horrific shirts I could find and not have Yamma-gi give me that look of disgust." Shunsui laughed again as he patted Isshin on the back,

"That my friend is a look I know all too well, Ol'Yamma prerfected that look on me long before you arrived." Isshin laughed at that and let Shunsui go before he wrapped his arms around Jūshirō,

"It's been too long," the older man said in to Isshin's collar.

"I know what you mean Shirō," Isshin said and stiffened for a moment glancing at Karin hoping that she didn't catch his slip. Thankfully she didn't seemed phased by him calling Jūshirō, Shirō but he knew better than anyone that his children may not be the best liars, but they were the best actors when it came to covering up their own pain.

When everyone had embraced and caught up on all the little details that had changed like the differences in height since they had last seen each other, hair length and style, clothes and auras they all sat down at the table to eat.

"You said the other week that you had something important to tell us, so what is it Uncle Shu?" Karin asked pulling her hair in to a ponytail behind her head. She watched as her godfather took his lovers hand in his own and squeezed it.

"We are retiring," he said with a tender smile, "and we are moving away." Yuzu, Karin and Isshin's jaws dropped at the news. The two of them had been pillars at _SSD_ for so long that no one could ever see them leaving.

"When?" Yuzu asked her eyes round with wonder.

"The end of the week," Jūshirō replied with a gentle blush over his cheeks. "We've been planning it for the last six months or so, but finally we have everything in order and we can go."

"Where are you two going?" Isshin asked and Karin could see the look of wanderlust in her father's eyes. It wasn't something she saw often, but she knew that just like her and her brother every so often her father just wanted to leave Karakura behind. She also knew that just like her and Ichigo, the three of them would never get far from where they were raised. It was as integral to them as their genetic code and as much as she wanted to see the world, she knew that she wouldn't be able to survive outside of the little suburb for too long.

"I bought an island before the crash and have been trying to get things sorted there for the last ten years or so. It's a place off the coast. So we'll never be too far away." Isshin nodded a huge grin on his face as he ate some of the noodles Yuzu had cooked for them.

"I wish the pair of you happiness, you deserve the rest." He said all of his joking and idiocy aside and it made Karin happy to see the sincere and level headed man she knew lived under all the bravado.

After the shock of the seemingly sudden move of two of the people they counted as family the dinner fell in to companionable silence, which was an odd occurrence in the Kurosaki household. When the plates were finally clear though the chatter started again and every member of the party became more animated.

"We have other good news of sorts," Jūshirō said as he took a sip of the tea Yuzu had passed around being the stellar hostess that she was. "Rangiku and Gin got married in a private ceremony a while ago now, in secret of all things and they are expecting their first child soon." Karin felt herself flinch as she thought of Gin... there was something about him that she didn't like, but unlike other people she didn't overtly hate him. It was as if there was an evil in him just waiting to be unleashed, but at the same time she remembered the way he had been at the hospital with Rangiku and she could understand why there were together. The pair were hypnotic and magnetic and no matter how evil he outwardly and sometimes inwardly appeared she knew without even really knowing that he would kill for his wife.

"How long have they been married?" Karin found herself asking. Jūshirō's brow furrowed for a second while he thought about it.

"I would say... almost nine months now... give or take." Karin nodded as she thought over something that Tōshirō had said after they had first started dating,

_"Rangiku is acting strange; well stranger than normal she gets all twitchy when Gin's name comes up in conversation. Also I could swear that her boobs are now gigantic... not that I've been looking. She also keeps eating the strangest of things and ducking out to the bathroom a lot. I've asked her about the possibility that she might be pregnant, but she just shrugs it off as if I have lost my mind."_ It made her chuckle. To think about it now she realised what Rangiku had done, she didn't want to have Tōshirō worry about her as well as Momo; she after all had Gin who was more that capable of looking after her, she didn't need her young boss doing the same.

"On the note of Rangiku, she's left the company as well." Shunsui said and Karin felt her stomach knot, _Tōshirō's all alone_ she thought, but pushed it to the back of her mind as her godfather continued. "Since Gin can't give up his job... for what are apparently obvious reasons." He shrugged at all their confused looks, "We don't get it either... anyway she has decided that since she has enough money and will need the extra time for the baby that she is going to actually open up a florist." Karin felt her eyebrows rise in confusion. "It's been her dream to do so and now she has decided to follow it." Yuzu clapped her hands together as Karin leaned back in her chair digesting all the information she had be given.

"That is so romantic!" He twin gushed her long honey blonde hair swaying from side to side as she spoke. Karin shook her head at her sister's naive view on love and relationships. There was another reason why Rangiku was moving and Karin suspected it was because her husband was trying to protect her from something, she just couldn't figure out what, not that it was really any of her concern. "I have news for the pair of you..." she pushed her hair out of her eyes and then looked at Karin and their father, "Well all of you actually." She sighed heavily, "I wanted Ichi-nii to be here too, but I'll tell him when he comes to visit mom... I think." She twisted her hair around her finger and Karin saw their father's knuckles go white as he grasped the edge of the table in the firmest of grips.

"What is your news?" Jūshirō asked glancing side long at Isshin.

"Well... you see... I'm engaged." Karin almost fell off her chair at the news and her father almost exploded in anger.

"Who to?" He asked running a manic hand through his hair as Jūshirō and Shunsui tried to calm him down.

"Jinta..." Yuzu said her face colouring deeply.

"Oh Yuzu not that office boy?!" her father asked his eyes pained and Karin smiled; how like him to act like no one in the world would be good enough for his girls.

"I love him daddy," she said with her hands on her hips and Karin knew in an instant that their father would give in. If she was happy, there was nothing he would do to get in the way of it.

"It would have been nice to be asked first," he said pouting turning to the picture of their mother, "Masaki, look at it one of our little girls is growing up and starting a family of her own," at that he broke down in tears and they all congratulated her while Shunsui and Jūshirō tried to comfort Isshin. Karin hugged her sister, but no matter how happy she felt for her; deep down inside it hurt that her twin could have the happiness that had always eluded her.

"Good luck on telling Ichi-nii," she said with a grin, "He'll be worse than dad," Yuzu paled instantly and turned her wide brown eyes to her looking haunted,

"I totally forgot about that," she said her voice barely a whisper,

"You never know, maybe he's mellowed..." Karin told her on a shrug.

"I wouldn't bet on it." Yuzu muttered,

"Well one can only hope," she finished as she hugged her sister again. "I get to be the maid of honour right?" Yuzu turned to her with tears of gratitude in her eyes and hugged Karin hard,

"Of course you do." She said firmly. They both then turned to the heap of men on the floor at their feet, their father was reaching up to the photo of their mother muttering and sobbing indecipherable words while Jūshiro cradled him and Shunsui rubbed his back as if burping their father like a baby it was a rather odd, yet strangely amusing sight.

"I don't want to be a part of this disaster." Karin said laughing at the mess on the living room floor.

"I second that," Yuzu replied laughing alongside her and for the first time in a long while Karin felt truly whole. Finally she had come home.

* * *

It wasn't until her brother came to visit with his new boyfriend that his name was brought up in conversation again and it was done so completely by accident. Not that it being an accident made the pain hurt any less.

"Tōshirō says he's an ass." She stated plainly at the dinner table when Grimmjow had come up in conversation. She had also wanted to add that she thought the property lawyer and her brother's badly chosen ex-boyfriend was a sadistic bastard that needed to be neutered. Not that is would matter since there was very little likelihood that Grimmjow would ever have children of his own. Which she would admit was one small blessing.

"You still talk to Hitsugaya Karin?" her older brother asked looking more than a little confused as well he should she admitted to herself since he knew what had happened. She couldn't believe after all this time she had let that slip as if she had just seen him yesterday. She furrowed her brow and diverted her attention from Ichigo to their guest: the stunningly handsome Cloud Strife, bar tender, bar owner and her brother's most recent significant other. This man was the complete opposite of the man she knew her brother had been dating. Cloud was so gentle and laid back that she could understand what had attracted her brother. It wasn't just that though in his intelligent blue eyes she could see that he was a fighter, but as of yet she didn't know what he fought for. After staring at Cloud for a long moment she answered her brother's question,

"I did, as far as I know he's married to Momo now." Her voice sounded like that of some sort of harpy even to her ears and by the slight furrow on Cloud's alabaster brow she knew he had heard it too, but to his credit he didn't ask her to clarify. She watched as Cloud looked lovingly at her brother and saw as the cogs behind her brother's chocolate eyes whirred before he asked his next question.

"I thought she was the one who was stabbed and went in to a coma and was never going to wake up." Karin noticed Cloud stiffen and it warmed her that he was concerned enough about her brother that the thought of him being on thin ice with even his family members got his back up. As always her brother was blunt, but not to hurt her. It was just the way he was brutally honest. Which to be fair was always one of his more refreshing qualities.

She sat for a while looking at her collected family and not for the first time was surprised at the love and warmth that surrounded her. No matter how much they fought or pissed each other off at the end of the day they were all they had and blood really was thicker than water, but as she looked at Cloud again and saw her brother grinning in an almost goofy fashion she realised that Yuzu had been right. Sometimes the family you chose for yourself was the most important of all.

She cleared her throat and plastered on a fake smile that she knew everyone could see right through, but none made a comment to as she told her brother briefly what had happened in the past few months; from the wedding to Rangiku being pregnant and married. His comment about Gin being a _fox face sorta freaky ass clown_ was not lost on her, although for her brother it was the least thought out insult she could think of. Finally she told him about Shunsui and Jūshirō and although her brother seemed sad to have missed them she could see without a doubt the pride and happiness in his eyes about the news. As she looked at him she saw that deep down he thought that if they could find happiness then maybe, just maybe he could too.

Not that it stopped her from cornering Cloud a little later to tell him exactly how she felt should he ever step over the line.

"If you break his face, I will break yours," she whispered to him with all the malice she could muster and Cloud looked puzzled if not a little offended by the comment. Karin however was not going to back down, she couldn't stop her brother being hurt by Grimmjow as he was the evil she had never seen, but she knew who Cloud was and if he hurt her brother she would find a way to take him down. "I won't let anyone else hurt Ichi-nii the way the last one did." At that comment Cloud's eyes shone with understanding and tightly leashed in anger as he told her in the sincerest of tones,

"You have nothing to worry about on that account," her brothers lanky boyfriend then looked over his shoulder at her brother's stupid orange hair and the love and longing in his face, stole her breath. There was no way on earth that Cloud would ever hurt her brother, she could feel it in the way he held himself and the small smile that curved his lips. He would cut off his own arms before he ever hurt Ichigo. In that moment she knew that the bartender couldn't live without her idiot brother. He would rather die than try to.

As she watched them leave hand in hand she wondered what a love that deep and all encompassing would feel like and she wondered if she would ever be able to make that sacrifice for herself and another; because when all was said and done and it was taken away the price you paid seemed to be too high.


	11. Chapter 10

"I look fat!" Yuzu screamed to Karin and Ururu's amusement as she stood in front of the mirror in the dress shop, her curves sheathed in white silk leaving very little to the imagination.

"Uh… where?" Karin asked circling her sister, her eyes roving over every inch of her lithe frame; how she was in that shape without exercise the way she cooked still boggled Karin's mind. She hated to think how she would be in Yuzu's position if she didn't have soccer in her life.

"What do you mean where?" Yuzu asked her nose wrinkling in disgust as she pointed at her perfectly flat stomach. The gesture and panic were so unlike Yuzu that it made Karin laugh out loud.

"It's not funny Karin!" She said in the voice that Karin hadn't heard since they were kids.

"I'm serious I don't see an ounce of fat on you." Karin stated plainly with her hands resting gently on her hips. "You look beautiful. Jinta is most likely going to die from embarrassment when he sees you in this." Ururu nodded her head softly before she uttered the following soft words,

"He will,"

"Are you sure I don't look fat?" Yuzu asked as she fussed with one of the spaghetti straps and when Karin nodded again she relaxed a fraction. "Okay I'm glad as I really liked the dress." She told the pair with a smile. With that the dress fitter came in and when she saw Yuzu she glowed,

"Oh my dear that looks absolument parfait on vous," Yuzu beamed as Karin tried not to vomit at the stupidity of the mixed French vocabulary. Just as she was about to excuse herself the fitter turned around and glared at her and Ururu. "Now it is your turn!" she said in an almost sickening accent. Karin turned on Yuzu and saw the sheepish look on her twins face.

"You said this was your fitting… not ours!" Karin felt herself almost scream.

"I couldn't get two separate appointments and I didn't think you would mind." Karin smoothed down her jeans and took in a deep breath. She hadn't worn a dress since the morning of the phone call; she hated looking the least bit feminine. Of course she didn't mind her sister organizing this as it was for her wedding after all, but a little warning would have been nice.

"Don't worry its fine," she finally replied with a shrug and turned to the fitter, "So where do you want us."

* * *

As she stood looking in the mirror she hated her twin with so much venom that she was surprised the shop didn't melt. It wasn't that the dress she had picked for the bridesmaids was something that was spewed out by Lucifer himself; it was more the fact that it was perfect. The lavender silk fell around her frame in a way that made her lean and unwomanly body actually have form and she could feel the material flow over her like water or the softest of kisses. It made her want to scream and rejoice all at once when she saw that her eyes practically glowed from the colour of it. For reasons she coudn't really explain the colour and the material made her look positively alive for the first time in months.

She and Ururu stepped out of their changing rooms at the same time and smiled at each other, Karin had her hair down so it brushed her shoulders and Ururu's as always was in pigtails that were beginning to show signs of the long day. Yuzu stood between them with the largest smile on her face,

"My bridesmaids look stunning," she said simply as she untied Ururu's hair so it would fall in a raven wave to her waist. "I think I can safely say that the three of us will knock them dead." Even at the odd turn of phrase that Yuzu was using, Karin couldn't disagree with her. stood as they were in the store they all looked like glamour models. She had never been happier of her appearance or more terrified.

* * *

_This is the worst idea!_ He thought for the millionth time that day, _why did I let Momo convince me that we should come?!_ He finished the thought as he stepped out of the car on to the sun baked pavement down the road from the church. He stood for a second watching the precession of colleagues from both: _SSD _and _Urahara Shoten_ as well as people Tōshirō could only imagine were friends of Yuzu from school. He hadn't seen a crowd this big in a long time and as he watched seemingly more people appear, he began to feel nervous.

"Shirō!" Momo called from the other side of the car, "Are you going to open my door, or do I have to do it myself?" she asked in a voice that Tōshirō assumed was supposed to sound sweet, but just came off as obnoxious. He glanced towards her with a blank face that made her pout in response before he walked around the nose of the car to open it for her. She stepped out of the car her heels clicking on the asphalt slightly as she stood at her full height, the layers of pick and purple organza falling about her in waves. Tōshirō would openly admit that the dress was pretty and that Momo looked amazing in it, but other than that it left him cold. Not that it was anything unusual most things did these days. "What is wrong with you Shirō? You've had your head in the clouds all morning!" Momo said tapping her foot impatiently "This was supposed to be a beautiful day for us, but here you are all mister gloomy." Tōshirō didn't look to her, but he could imagine that she had her hands on her hips while she said it.

He offered her his arm and she took it as they headed towards the church, it was easier for him to say nothing than to interact with her; not that it stopped him from eventually breaking the silence.

"Why did you want to come?" he found himself asking out of genuine curiosity.

"We haven't seen some of these people in an age and I wanted to catch up. She also invited us and it seemed rude to not accept." She replied with a sweet smile that only succeeded in making him feel nauseous. After his curiosity had been satisfied they walked up to the church in silence. They reached the doors and Momo started up again, "You know you should really smile more Shirō, no one will be mad if for once you looked like you were genuinely enjoying yourself..." she carried on with what could only be described as a rant about his flaws, but he wasn't listening.

He wasn't listening to Momo, because he was staring at Karin.

He knew without a doubt that he was staring, because she was so beautiful. He could only see her back, but he knew it was her. There was no one else that would look that statuesque in lavender silk. Her hair was down the black in stark contrast with the lavender of the dress and all he could think about doing was sinking his fingers in to the long luscious strands and feel its softness flow over his fingers. She was stood talking to another of Yuzu's bride maids not that Tōshirō could see them and she shook her head animatedly giving him a flash of the scooped back of her dress that made him want to run his callused hands all over her skin and sink himself in to her warmth. He pulled his hands in to fists as she turned around and looked straight at him her eyes boring holes right through him. She only wore the smallest amount of makeup and she looked perfect. The only other adornment she wore was a tear drop necklace that he had bought for her, seeing it on her neck he craved to run his fingers over the links and stopping to rest them on pulse point feeling the beat just thrum beneath his fingertips.

Under the glare he was receiving he felt his pulse race while his blood heated making him want to run to her and then run away with her in front of everyone that was collected in the church, but he didn't dare. He was happy to just watch her, that was until she grabbed Ururu's hand and dragged her out of the church with her; leaving him feeling a little embarrassed. He could feel the colour rise in his cheeks and he knew that the tips of his ears would be pink. Not that Momo would notice she had moved on to a rant about the guest list for the millionth time. If Karin had been there though she would have noticed and she would have stepped forward and kissed the shell of each ear while grinning at him teasing him as she did so. All the while Momo continued to talk about how it was unfair that Gin was at the wedding when both Aizen and Tōsen were not invited. Especially she said since they were all involved in the scam to take down both companies. Tōshirō wanted to tell Momo it was because he was married to Matsumoto and that people had forgiven him, but he knew she wouldn't listen so instead he looked over the heads of all the people from his present and past making a list of people he should talk to if he got the chance.

"Tōshirō?!" A voice called out over the sea of heads in the aisle and he searched the bodies that were all taller than his for the familiar voice. Soon he noticed the shock of orange hair that was making its way towards him and he immediately froze. Out of all the people in Karin's life; he knew that she would have told her brother everything about them. So if Ichigo was trying to find him then he knew he was in trouble. He was about to drag Momo complaining or not out of the church until he saw the warm chocolate eyes and a brow crinkled with concern not a frown. "I'm so glad you could come little man, it wouldn't be a true meeting of _SSD_ and _Urahara Shoten_ if you didn't come, but Yuzu was convinced you wouldn't come." He said in an excited rush before leant in to Tōshirō so Momo couldn't hear, "But I knew you would and on some level so did Karin." He stood again and looked at Momo who was openly gaping at the orange haired designer that towered over her. "You must be Momo," he said taking her hand gently in his. "It's lovely to meet you, please let me help you find some seats." Momo nodded mutely her newest rant slowed to a halt. Not for the first time Tōshirō was amazed at the power Ichigo had over most women without him even noticing it, but when a tall blonde came and gently squeezed his arm he realised why Ichigo didn't care too much for women's reactions to him.

He sat them three rows behind Matsumoto and she turned to grin at him. He tried to smile back, but it hurt. He didn't like to admit it, but he really missed Matsumoto. It really wasn't the same working without her. He hoped that the others at the office hadn't realised that he hadn't filled the place of his assistant intentionally, because at the end of the day he was never going to find someone as good as her who understood him without even trying. He saw Emi sat on her father's lap and she waved at him with a smile that was a mixture of her mother's when she was drunk and her father's everyday grin. It should have been a rather scary sight, but it looked cute on her,

"Shi, Shi!" she called over her father's shoulder and Gin turned with a quick embarrassed smile, "Emi wants Shi, Shi!" she said again and he thought he better wave, that for the moment seemed to placate her and Gin mouthed his _thank you_ at Tōshirō before he told Emi quietly,

"You can go see Tōshirō later, but for now you have to stay with mommy and daddy, okay sweet heart?" She wrapped her arms around her father's neck in response and nuzzled her nose against his cheek before sitting back down on his lap. It still surprised him that the pair of them had such a beautiful daughter, not that her parents weren't attractive, but Emi was truly beautiful on the inside and out one day he knew she was going to set the world on fire in the best possible way.

As the wedding march started up everyone turned to look at the bride; well everyone, but Tōshirō. He was watching Karin as she walked up with confidence and defiance; all the while the silk played over her skin like dappled sunlight a lot like one of the mornings not so long ago.

"Are you going to wake up Tō? Or am I going to have to kick you out of bed?" She had asked playfully. It was Sunday and they had been up most of the night, he couldn't understand how she could already be awake. He also couldn't understand how she could be ready for another round. He rolled over in his bed to look at her and saw her raven hair mussed around her face from sleep and her sparkling obsidian eyes watching him closely. She had her head propped up on her hand as she lay on her stomach making the sheet she was trying to cover herself with pool at bottom of her back leaving a delightful expanse of skin bare for his eyes to rove over.

Now he could understand how she was ready for another round.

She rolled over with the sheet clasped to her chest, not that he really understood why, he had spent hours looking at her naked in the last handful of weeks. He moved to her side and ran his fingertips over the soft cotton watching as a smile curved her lips. She turned to him with the sheet still held against her and kissed him softly. Not that the intent of the contact mattered, the slightest touch from Karin was like a match being thrown near a flammable substance, the whole of him was on fire, ignited by the simple play of her lips against his. She placed her head on her hand again and that was when he noticed it; the subtle play of light across her alabaster skin. He glanced up at the window in his room and saw the green leaves of the tree outside shift slightly with the breeze alternatively letting in less and then more light through. He then watched as Karin's shoulder blades fell in to shadow while the base of her spine was exposed to the light, before it switched. He ran his fingertips across the light feeling the sun warmed skin brush against his fingertips and he wanted to taste it to see if it tasted as warm and invited as it felt. He kissed the base of her spine that was not in shadow and heard her breath catch, he then followed the path of the light with his mouth until he reached her shoulder blade; then he captured her mouth with his pushing her down against the mattress as he covered every inch of her body with his.

"We were supposed to go to study group today," she moaned as his hands skimmed her waist rubbing the cotton of the sheet against her all too sensitive skin.

"Study can wait..." he growled and he ripped the ridiculous sheet away devouring her whole.

"Shirō!" Momo's shrill voice rang out in his head snapping him out of his reverie.

"What?" he asked his voice slurred, clearly his daydream had at some point become an actual dream.

"You fell asleep and missed the ceremony!" she chided with her hands on her hips on any other woman the gesture may have looked cute, but on Momo it was such a common occurrence that he didn't notice it or care for it anymore.

"I'm sorry," he felt himself say without really meaning it. "I must have been so relaxed, you have been complaining about how uptight I have been recently." Momo sighed in a huff and Tōshirō almost told his wife where to put it, but decided he better not. "I didn't mean to miss the ceremony, was it good?" he asked pushing an awkward hand through his hair,

"Ours was better, they wrote their own vows and they were so mushy." She carried on with her comparisons to their wedding, but Tōshirō wasn't listening. He had wanted to write his own vows when they were getting married, but Momo had wanted tradition so they hadn't done it. He had wanted to write them saying that he did love her, but he was marrying her to protect her. He now knew that Karin and everyone else had been right all along; you can't expect people to stay the same forever, because the woman that was talking at him now was not the Momo he used to love or know. The woman he knew had been killed the night she was attacked. The man he had been had also been killed that day and had been replaced by a man that wanted more than to just belong. He pushed his hands in to his pockets and dreamed about the vows he would have said to Karin, if he hadn't run away from his true feelings. He knew that if he ever got to say them that the obsidian of her eyes would shine from unshed tears and the thought made his heart stop beating for a second.

As they wandered out of the church he saw a flash of lavender darting for one of the other cars and felt the distinct prickle of awareness.

Something was going to happen soon that would make all of his perfectly painted picket fences fall down. A new wind was coming and he just hoped that he would have enough courage to be taken away with it this time.


	12. Chapter 11

_AN: This whole scene came out of listening to "There's No Such Thing As Accidental Infidelity" from "Hold Me Down"the other day, but also was linked with the scene from "Some Things Never Change" where there is a moment of screaming from Momo. I know that in the anime and the manga Momo has changed, but in my mind she is forever the girl that after coming out of the coma tells Hitsugaya that Aizen is not the guilty one and that if he can he should save him. For me she is dangerous in her affections and when she tries to not hurt people she ends up hurting them more. I also didn't want Karin to be crying because of Shiro any more we needed a new villain for a little while at least._

_Thanks for the support so far :) xxx_

* * *

Karin was trying as hard as possible to convince herself that Tōshirō had not been watching her with longing in his eyes when she had seen him at the church. She was trying... but she was not succeeding and that sucked. She had been getting along just fine without him; she had been on dates with guys that were interested in her, not that any of them had come to anything. She was also doing really well in school. She had rationalised everything in her life, because she didn't need him and then in only a few seconds she was back to that moment when their lips had first touched and she was in hell. It would seem that all her hard work was in vain.

When Yuzu had invited Tōshirō and Momo to the wedding Yuzu had said that without a doubt they would decline. Karin knew better. She knew that Momo would love to come, Rangiku had been hinting at it each time they went in to the woman's shop. Karin had prayed that when their RSVP arrived that it would be to decline, but she had never been that lucky. When they had got the RSVP the response had been written in a cutesy feminine hand that had made Karin want to set it on fire. She had resisted the urge, but just barely.

She walked in to _Club Nibelheim_ with Yuzu and their father so they could welcome everyone to the celebration and she really wished that Ichigo and Cloud were with them. That was because Cloud was such a soothing person and she needed his calming influence about now. Due to this whenever she had a problem she would try to meet her brother and Cloud so that she could share it with them. That way she got her brother's angry and overprotective streak and Cloud's seemingly laid back and relaxed analysis. She didn't want to know what state she would be in without their input.

The three of them were stood just inside the doorway as Jinta walked in looking pleased with himself and it made Karin laugh, which in and of itself was a relief. He stood next to Yuzu with a possessive hand on her waist as Isshin began to cry. That was all they needed.

"Karin-chan, what are we going to do?" He sobbed with his hands in front of his eyes. "Yuzu-chan has all grown up and she's leaving us. Neither of us can cook! How will we ever survive?!" Karin felt her anger at his childish pranks hit its boiling point point and she lashed out slapping her father around the back of the head as her brother and his boyfriend walked in looking more than a little shocked.

"I can cook dad, I just chose not to! We will be fine without Yuzu!" At that she looked her sister mouthed her apologises before she took off across the club and used the emergency exit in to get into the alley.

Outside she leant against the cool bricks next to the door and felt her knees quake a little under the strain she was putting her body though physically and emotionally. She took in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before letting it back out on a sigh. Today was supposed to be a day of celebration the last thing she wanted was to ruin it with her personal problems and unstable emotions. She stood up straight praying that she hadn't snagged the silk on the rough bricks and lifted her hair off her neck to cool her skin hoping that if she was more comfortable in body she would relax in mind. Her mind had just finished racing when the door to the club opened and she saw a shock of white hair.

"Karin," He said on the softest exhale of breath at the sound of it she felt her skin flush while shivers ran down the length of her spine. This was what she had been missing with the others she had dated. There was no spark, no frisson. They were nice and she enjoyed their company, but they didn't make her feel alive or stop her breathing. They just weren't him. No matter how much time had passed she still knew deep down that no one would ever be him. "Can we talk?" he asked as he pushed his hands in to his pockets after shutting the door. She scraped her hands against the jagged brick the pain making her head clearer and she swallowed deeply before she replied hoping her voice didn't sound as wanton and raspy to Tōshirō as it did to her.

"Where's Momo?" at the question his eyes snapped green fire, but as quickly as it had come he extinguished it making Karin wonder if she had imagined it.

"She's on the phone at the moment she'll be busy for a while."

"Oh," She found herself saying while resisting the urge to card her hands through his hair. It annoyed her that she had convinced herself that she didn't want him, but when he was in front of her again her body didn't listen.

"How have you been?" he asked as he stood next to her his shoulder barely brushing hers. She swallowed again and she knew he caught it, but she replied while ignoring his pointed look.

"Good. I passed all my exams with flying colours and I'm going to do an intern ship for the rest of the summer."

"Where?" He asked his palms sweating in anticipation.

"Shueisha publishing in the city, Byakuya set me up as he knows the president or something." Tōshirō nodded and Karin was sure that she had seen hurt in his eyes, but over what she couldn't be sure. "So how have you been?" She asked not really wanting to know. She didn't want to know about how happy he was with Momo and as always Tōshirō was right on the mark when he spoke to her after a deliberate pause,

"You really want to know?" He asked a hint of apprehension in his voice as his teal eyes burned as he looked at her.

"Yes," she replied thickly.

"I'm miserable." He said softly. The despair in his tone caught Karin off guard and before she could stop herself she took his hand in hers and brought his knuckles to her lips and kissed them softly. When she realised what she had done she dropped his hand as if it was a burning coal. He looked at her confused, but the contact had ignited a part of him that he thought he had trampled on until he could feel it no more; like Karin he had convinced himself of something that wasn't true. "I made a horrible mistake." He said clenching his fists. "I was so naïve Karin, I thought that if I held her close to my heart that she wouldn't change. That she would still be the girl I had fallen in love with." He glanced at her and saw the pain in her deep obsidian eyes, "I was wrong, life doesn't work that way."

"That's not fair," Karin found herself saying and turning her head away from the teal eyes before her.

"What?" He asked exasperated, "Are you defending her?" he asked almost accusingly,

"No, I'm not." She ran a and through her hair and blew out her breath, "It's not only her who changed, you did to." She finished feeling her stomach flip with butterflies. "In this scenario you were only thinking about her changing, you never even thought that maybe you had. Tō you changed too. Neither of you are the same people you were before she was attacked. You were right you were naïve, but not for the reason you suggested. You were naïve because you thought nothing would change when she opened her eyes, but everything changed!" she stepped away from the wall and stood before him close enough so he could feel her breath on him face as she spoke. "You both rushed in to something you were never ready for. What were you expecting?" she laid her hand on the lapel of his jacket and felt the warmth from his skin through the layers of material. Just before she removed her hand he entwined their fingers together and looked at her the teal depths of his eyes scorching her with heat.

"I never expected this," he said truthfully, "The last time we met; we barely said anything to each other." Karin laughed and his chest constricted in pain as she removed her hand from his.

"I can be nice Tō when the person I'm talking to is not throwing a curve ball at me, I need a little time for things to settle." He reached out and placed his palm against her cheek and even though she didn't want to Karin enjoyed the contact and even leant in to it. After a few seconds she straightened up and looked at him dead on, "You made your choice though at the end of the day and I will not be the other woman. Okay. You know how you once listened to some of my music?" she watched as he nodded while looking suitably confused. "Well one of the bands has a song called _There is no such thing as accidental infidelity_ and I believe them, nothing like that can be an accident. I am happy on my own; I've learnt how to live without you. You have a wife now so you should have already learnt to live without me." The door opened once again and Momo came out in to the alley and spotted them; at the look in her eyes Karin froze. She could only imagine how they looked stood so close together faces almost touching. Anyone would get the wrong idea and from the words that came out of Momo's mouth a second later, she had gotten the wrong idea and even though she didn't want to be the other woman to Momo she looked just like that.

"HOW DARE YOU?!" She screamed as she dragged Tōshirō away from her.

"Momo..." he went to speak, but in a flurry of purple and pink skirts Momo turned on him.

"Don't you dare defend her?!" She said her voice filled with venom.

"I didn't do anything." Karin told her with her hands up in surrender, "We were just talking." At that statement she turned on Karin her brown eyes hurt and more than a little crazy,

"It did not look like you were 'just' talking," she said coming close to Karin in a way that Karin supposed was intended to be threatening, but as Momo was a head shorter than her, it didn't really work. "Aizen-sama said I should have watched you more closely." At the statement Karin was confused, what did the rat bastard Aizen have to do with anything?

"I'm sorry," Karin said and she honestly felt bad even if Momo was a little bit psychotic. "But you have completely the wrong idea. I would never try to get between you and Tōshirō, it's not my place." Before Karin could even respond Momo raised her hand and slapped her squarely around the face.

"How dare you lie to me like that?!" She asked as Karin's eyes began to water. "Aizen-sama told me what happened between the two of you while I was in a coma. He told me all the details you wouldn't!" She screamed turning her venom once more on Tōshirō. "Then he told me that it wasn't over between the two of you." The tears that Karin was holding in fell down her cheeks at that remark in anger.

"He was lying to you," Tōshirō said gently, "That is what he does." Momo shook her head vehemently all the while staring at Tōshirō,

"No he had NEVER lied, I keep telling you that the liar is that Gin! He was the one that led Aizen-sama astray." Karin watched as Tōshirō sighed and shook his head.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night Momo," he said and looked to Karin, "But Karin was right, this is the first time I have seen her since I told her about our engagement and nothing happened between us." Momo stared between the two of them and seemed to relax a little before glaring at Karin again.

"I won Kurosaki! Keep your filthy hands away from him." Karin was astounded, each time she had seen Momo at the hospital she had looked as if she would be lovely and kind. Not to mention that Tōshirō had told her on many occasions that she was sweet tempered and easy going, but in the stark hatred of that stare Karin could see nothing of the woman that she had imagined or Tōshirō had once described. After saying her piece she walked back in to the club telling Tōshirō that he had two minutes before she made a scene.

For what seemed an eternity he just stood staring at Karin as her tears fell silently down her face. He stepped towards her and she crumpled in to him.

"I'm so sorry Karin, I never wanted to hurt you again." He said the words sounding hollow even to him and in response she laughed bitterly.

"Too late, not that it's your fault this time." She said through the tears as she cried in to his collar. When she had stopped crying so hard he put her at arm's length and rubbed the tears from her cheeks. She smiled softly at the care he was taking and he couldn't stop himself. He leant in and brushed her lips ever so softly with his own, if Momo was going to make his life hell about something that neither of them had done then in the end he should at least get something good out of it. Karin's breath became ragged at the feel of him so close as he gently cradled her head and just when she was about to submit to the contact he pulled back his eyes hooded and warmed with lust.

"I should go," he said in a tone that clearly said he wanted to stay,

"You should go." Karin said trying to make her voice sound as forceful as possible, while pushing him towards the door gently. "Good bye Tō," she said softly squeezing his hand slightly as the tears began to fall from her eyes again. He leaned in and kissed her cheek softly,

"Good bye my love," he said in to her ear and went back in to the club before Momo made another scene and this one would be far more public.

* * *

When the large industrial fire door clanged shut she fell against the wall her breathing hitched as the tears she tried to keep inside fell down her cheeks. It felt like a flood gate had opened and even though she wanted to stop crying she couldn't. It was as if the tears themselves were cleansing her from the inside out. The fire door opened again and she tried to stop the tears until she saw Ururu's face and she began crying again. Her friend looked at her lost and a little upset. Karin wrapped her arms around her slight frame and cried in to Ururu's shoulder,

"Karin?" she asked in her soft voice, "Are you okay?" Karin could tell that Ururu didn't really know what to do as she had never seen her friend cry, but the fact that she was trying to comfort her made all the difference in the world. "Let's go back inside, Jinta and Yuzu are about to have their first dance," Ururu said and led her friend inside.

They got inside the darkened club as Jinta took Yuzu's hand and led her on to the dance floor. They looked so happy and although she was trying to feel happy for them, seeing them together with no obstacles made it so much harder. She began crying again and couldn't stop even though she wanted to desperately. Ururu stood dabbing her makeup to stop it running as she rubbed her back softly in sisterly support.

"Please," Ururu whispered to someone behind them and Karin stiffened momentarily in panic without turning.

"Karin-chan," a smoky and familiar voice said and Karin turned to the voice in relief. Behind her were two men that were looking more than a little concerned about her.

"Uncle Shun," she wept and wrapped her arms around his neck feeling him embrace her with all the strength he possessed "He... he... he... he..." But no matter how hard she tried she couldn't say that he hadn't hurt her this time, the words just wouldn't form on her lips.

"Shush," he said in to her hair as he comforted her. "It doesn't matter, just let it go." He took her head in his hands and ran his hand through her hair getting it out of her eyes and calming her down. It was one of the magic things about her Godfather that she had never been able to figure out. No matter the pain or trouble as soon as his long fingers began to run through her hair she could feel all of her problems evaporating. He set her on her feet again and she looked at both of her 'Uncles' and felt blessed to have them. She hugged Shunsui again for good measure and then hugged Jūshirō before she spoke her tears drying on her face.

"Thank you Uncle Shun, Uncle Jū the pair of you always know how to make things better," she watched as pain flickered in Jūshirō's eyes and knew in that instant why he looked a little guilty, "Thank you for letting me talk to him, it... helped." She found herself saying and was shocked by how true those words were even if they were said forlornly; talking to him had helped. She now didn't feel as if Pandora 's Box was in her chest and that at any minute it would explode and all her ugliness would be on show. All she felt now was quiet acceptance and she felt at peace. It was a strange sensation, but at the same time liberating. She plastered a smile on her face for appearances sake as some of the crowd were looking at them and she took Ururu's hand tugging at her friend. "Let's go fix my makeup and then let's dance!" Ururu seemed a little confused by the whole situation, but at the infectious nature of Karin's restored energy she grinned and they walked towards the toilets in the back corner of the club.


	13. Chapter 12

_AN: Once again I'd like to say a huge thank you for all the support! Finding a quote from my story on a HistuKarin fan page was a shock, but really sweet at the same time so really thank you! _

_I do however feel the need to address a few things. I have had a lot of reviews that say that Karin should fall in love with someone else... well sorry folks that is not going to happen. I've written the end now and I LOVE it... so I just have to get myself there. I already know what happens with Momo, Aizen & Gin so lets leave it at that shall we? Karin and Toshiro WILL end up together, they just have to reach that "Crash" moment. The fic is called "Hold Me Down" because of the Album that kicks it off, but it is a recurring theme, both Karin and Toshiro are held down by their feelings for the other as well as the obligations they have. It's also used in the sense that hold me down can mean that you have someone else's back and in this story everyone is protecting everyone else lest the truth come out and the whole house of cards falls._

_The song playing in the club that Karin dances and sings to is "Tidal Wave" by SubFocus featuring ALPINES and I love it! Please listen to it as it sums up Karin's feelings perfectly it also has a KILLER HOOK and the drop? TO DIE FOR!_

_There isn't much more of this crazy journey to go so bare with me... ne?_

_Love you all xx_

* * *

He knew he shouldn't feel betrayed, but as Kyoraku-san's arms went around Karin he did. He knew that if push came to shove that his mentors would take the side of family, but seeing it in the flesh still hurt. What hurt infinitely more was the fact that even from the distance he was at, he could see that the older men were calming her down; they were actually soothing her. Something that he could never do again.

"What are you thinking about?" Momo asked from her place against his chest. He was about to tell her the truth, but knew more than anything that she would prefer something beautiful. She wanted him to lie to her and he wouldn't deny her that request he had inadvertently hurt her as much if not more than he had hurt Karin.

"Nothing at all I was just watching the happy couple." He said and stroked her hair absently.

"Do you remember our first dance?" she asked holding him as if she hadn't just condemned him for committing adultery a few minutes before.

"No I don't," he laughed softly, "I was so worried about standing on your toes that I don't remember anything about it." He looked down and Momo smiled up at him. There for the briefest of seconds he saw a glimmer of the woman he had fallen in love with before fate had ripped them apart. Finally he knew for sure that the sweet and gentle Momo did exist at least in some capacity; even if it was deep down inside. So not all hope was lost or at least he started to believe.

"I remember that you were really rather good." She said as she kissed his cheek, he was about to say something more when the club erupted with a deep and rhythmic base beat and as the beat intensified he watched as the people he knew began to take to the floor and contort their bodies in to the most uncomfortable of shapes. It was as if he had landed on another planet where the people he knew were having some form of seizure and actually enjoying the experience. He sat down at the bar with Momo and watched as groups of his co-workers and peers came together to move in similar fashions to the obnoxious music that was playing over the clubs sound system. Momo sat laughing at Renji trying, but not succeeding to moonwalk when Tōshirō saw Karin and Ururu shimmy on to the dance floor. There was no other way to describe it as the pair glided over to where Yuzu was dancing with Jinta.

The three of them then began to look like mirror images of the others as they moved in sync with Karin the most confident of the three. She closed her eyes and threw her hands above her head twisting and turning to the bass beat that thrummed through their bodies. Her hips slid from side to side as she moved from the ball of each foot. As he watched her he could quite believe that she was a part of the music and the music was a part of her. She had told him once that there is always a song whether it is a genre you like or not that is a part of you and hearing it makes you feel more complete. He hadn't been afraid to tell her that he thought it was stupid. Now though watching her move he could quite believe it. As she leaned in again with Ururu the pair were grinning as they started turning on the spot laughing at how silly they looked. When they had stopped laughing they both leant out. Just when Tōshirō thought Karin had lost her balance and was going to end up on her back in the centre of the dance floor; someone caught her.

As his hands rested on her waist after he had set her upright Tōshirō felt a flash of jealousy so potent that he wanted to rip the guy to pieces. It didn't help that Karin blushed visibly when she looked at the stranger. They spoke for a moment and he hoped it was just her thanking him for saving her. Not that he was happy that someone else had saved her. When they were finished the stranger nodded and walked across the dance floor to the dj that simply raised an eyebrow in what looked to be mild annoyance. On the dance floor Karin had taken Ururu's hands in her own and the pair were pulling each other together and then spinning each other out in a way that made Tōshirō smile.

When the next track started with discordant bleeping Karin's face melted in to the most beatific of smiles as she threw her head back with her arms in the air like a woman possessed as she idly stepped from side to side. When the lyrics streamed out across the club he noticed that as she swayed to the music she was singing along and for the briefest of moments he wished he could hear her singing them. Ururu danced opposite her, but unlike Karin was unfamiliar with the song and seemed amazed that Karin knew it. He had to admit he was in the same boat as Ururu since it didn't seem like the sort of music that Karin would like, but as he listened to the words that he could catch he felt the dancing of ice fingers down his back. How like Karin to make her feelings know with song lyrics.

As she swayed again to the verse he caught the glimmer of the necklace he bought again and the ice down his back turned to molten lava as he remembered buying the gift for her.

They had been together for over a month and it was the happiest he had ever been. When Karin wasn't in his bed hogging all the sheets, she was on the phone telling him that she missed him and that she couldn't wait to see him again. He could never get the words out as they always got stuck in his throat. It wasn't because he didn't feel the same way. He felt it more than he could ever describe. Even with the extensive Jane Austen lectures Karin had been giving him, he couldn't for the life of him play the perfect romantic hero. He had realised he had more in common with Mr Rochester, including the crazy wife that was locked away. He then mentally amended that comment, she hadn't been crazy when she was in the coma and wasn't a secret. So maybe he was just more like the character in temperament.

He didn't have the words; he didn't have the look that would instinctively tell her how he felt. Most of all he didn't like the risk involved. It wasn't because he thought that she would use his weakness for her against him, it was just that he didn't want her to see him as vulnerable. He may not have been the perfect romantic hero, but he didn't want to look like a coward either. He'd spent his life perfecting his stoic demeanour, his attitude that made people feel like they had met Jack Frost and been given a dose of frostbite by just being near him. He didn't need people to know that Ichigo Kurosaki's little sister had begun to melt the ice around him. The last thing he wanted was for people to know he was going soft.

Not that it mattered in the slightest since Tōshirō knew for a fact that long before he had even admitted the possibility of being in love with Karin to himself it would seem that Rangiku already knew. She said that he had changed after his first day starting at the school. She said that he had become the sort of person it was a joy to work for instead of a grind. That he had become more down to earth and accessible and that anyone that could achieve that was way too good for him. She had said all of this with one of her signature grins, but when he thought about it all this time later maybe she had been right all along. Maybe he did not deserve that light and life that Karin had in abundance. Maybe no one did. As the pendant caught the light again as she threw her arms out to the side rolling her shoulders he could see the shop that he had bought it clearly.

It was a tiny little thing set back from the others around it on a quiet street in the centre of Karakura its window was taken up with many different pieces of jewellery from what seemed to Tōshirō to be the same designer. Each piece looked delicate, but as she looked at them he saw the delicacy was deceiving as they pieces themselves were sturdy as if each piece was a study in not taking things at face value. From inside he could hear the soft sounds of panpipes and running water and as his eyes caught a pendant in the corner; his curiosity got the better of him and he went inside.

"Welcome," A soft voice spoke from the back of the shop and looking up Tōshirō was stunned. The person who had spoken was beautiful. She had soft looking brown hair that fanned her face in perfect symmetry with a blue braid on her right hand side. She also had the warmest smile and eyes he had ever known. She stood in a white peasant style blouse with a long blue skirt that she matched with the heaviest set of boots Tōshirō had ever seen. As mixed as her choice of clothing was, it looked perfect on her. She laughed quietly at his reaction before she spoke again, "I'm Yuna and welcome to Spira." She took his hand in hers and shook it warmly making him blush. "Are you looking for anything in particular?" She asked as she paced in front of him, "Tidas can make special orders if you want, but you know artists he'd rather chose what he makes." Tōshirō didn't know what to think as he stood watching the material sway around her legs as she walked in front of him watching him like a hawk. In the end he pointed to the necklace he had spotted from the window and thinking of Karin eventually found his voice.

"Could I please look at that?" he asked and Yuna grinned,

"I know why you picked that." She said still smiling as she retrieved the necklace, "I think this may some of Tidus' best work." Tōshirō doubted it thinking that the lovely girl before him just wanted to get a sale. That was until he looked at the tear drop necklace she was holding. The gemstone in the silver setting was the most vibrant of turquoise that was polished to the perfect shine and the setting itself was made up of the most delicate looking snowflakes. "Do you know the meaning of the gemstone?" Yuna asked in her melodic voice and as Tōshirō shook his head she laughed again and it sounded like the tinkling of glass. "This stone is a sign of protection and deep abiding friendship. If you give this to someone you love they will receive good fortune." Tōshirō couldn't help it he smiled as he ran his hand over the fine chain.

"I'll take it," Tōshirō said before he backed out and Yuna nodded.

"She is very lucky," she told him as she wrapped the box with the necklace inside. Tōshirō shook his head.

"I'm the lucky one." He replied and Yuna smiled at him again nodding in understanding.

"Please stop by again and bring the lucky lady," she told him as he left the store, "Maybe it will be your turn next time." He laughed softly as he put the box in his pocket feeling the importance of this gesture throughout his entire being.

* * *

She'd asked him to meet her at the library and after looking in on Momo for a second just to hear the doctors tell him there was still no change in her vitals he had. Karin had been sat in the back with an array of books fanned around her barely giving her room to take notes in her carrel. She looked beautiful as she sat there oblivious to everyone else around her; the end of her pen resting absently on her lip as she read the passages taking notes of page numbers and paragraphs as she read. He didn't want to disturb her as she looked so at peace.

He silently walked up behind her and leant in to the carrel to kiss her on the cheek. She sighed softly and turned to look at him with a mischievous smile that set butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

"I thought you were going to stand me up for a moment there Tō." He reached in to his pocket as he took her hand in his and placed the box squarely in the centre of her palm as he replied,

"Never," Karin looked from him to the box more than perplexed, but opened it anyway. He saw it as her pupils dilated and she drew in a shallow and shaky breath. He had never really enjoyed gift giving before; it was a job he left for Matsumoto as nothing made her happier than shopping. He almost laughed at that stray thought, since Ichimaru must have resigned himself to that sad fact. As Karin looked at the necklace though he understood the joy that could be found from the most simple of gestures. She took the chain out and ran the cold silver across her fingers. When she saw the pendant she smiled and glanced from it to his eyes and smiled more. He thought that was it until she spoke the words he dreaded to hear.

"I can't accept this Tō," she said softly as she placed it back on the cushion.

"Why not?" he asked the shock of the rejection making him jittery,

"My family don't take gifts well, when we don't think we deserve them." He looked in to the box at the pendant that was a similar colour to his eyes and laughed as he took the seat next to Karin.

"You deserve this more than you could ever imagine." He said softly, but as always at the last hurdle he bailed and said something close to what he wanted to say, but not actually what he wanted to say. "This is to say thank you for making me believe in everything again." He finished and unclasped the chain so he could place it around her neck. He saw that she was about to reject it again and closed the clasp laying the chain against her skin. "Thank you," he said softly kissing the crown of her head.

"Words would have been enough," Karin mumbled her face a delicate shade of pink.

"You know better than anyone that words about feelings are not my strong suit. I can write passionate reports about the use of space in the Guggenheim, but give me feelings to put in to words and I won't be able to do it no matter how long I have." Karin looked to him a smile playing across her lips again as she moved forward and pressed her lips firmly against his,

"I wouldn't sell yourself short," she said with a laugh as she slid on to his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thank you for the present," she whispered as she kissed him blind in front of everyone's disapproving looks.

* * *

"Shiro!?" Momo asked patting him lightly on the arm, "Are you okay?" she asked sweetly passing him a drink of water. "You looked like you were miles away". He took the glass from her and drank the water as if he were the last man in the desert. When the bottom of the glass was at eye level he could see straight across the dance floor as Karin dropped in to a crouch and then provocatively stood back up again. As she did the light once again caught the skin warmed turquoise and he held the glass tight enough to break it. He was about to tell Momo that it would be better if they started to make their way home as he couldn't take anymore of the torture he was inflicting on himself. Not that he need bother ask her since her phone rang as he placed the glass on the bar. She glanced at the ID and picked it up. She listened for a few seconds and nodded in a precise fashion and Tōshirō knew she was taking down orders. She hung up the phone and looked at him as little sadly.

"We have to leave if that's okay. I need to get some stuff for someone." Tōshirō ground his teeth as he knew exactly who she would be shopping for, but Momo had learnt that it was better if she didn't mention Aizen's name too much around him.

"It's fine." He mumbled. "I was just about to say we should leave anyway." Momo smiled a little and then her eyes settled on who he could only guess was Karin as her brow darkened. "Come on," he said taking her hand and leading her out of the club. He wouldn't admit it, but he had wished that he would feel her eyes on him as he left, but there was nothing.

It appeared that she had given up on him for good this time. Tōshirō knew that he should be happy about it, but deep down inside he just felt alone. It was as if he were stranded in an Arctic tundra with nothing to keep him company, but the billowing gales and miles and miles of snow. He used to enjoy that feeling, but now he wished for the sun to come out and melt the snow and ice so he could see the flowers again.


	14. Chapter 13

_AN: In true manga style I'm going for the good old time jump! So bare with me sweet little readers as we hop skip and jump five years in to the future after Yuzu and Jinta's wedding. As if you didn't already know Aizen has been a BAD BAD MAN and in true Gin style the man has been trying to take him down from the inside._

_Thank you all for your warm response to the last chapter I'm glad that you could finally see that the romance wasn't one sided! xxx_

* * *

"Have you seen this?" Ichigo asked Cloud one morning over breakfast,

"What should I have seen Ichi?" His lover asked as he laced his arms around Ichigo's neck.

"This morning's newspaper, you think Karin has seen it?" Ichigo could feel Cloud reading the article that took up the front of the broadsheet. They were both silent for a moment and then Cloud sucked in his breath sharply only to whistle it out again.

"By the fact that she hasn't phoned yet... no I don't think she has seen it. So I wouldn't tell her." Cloud finished kissing Ichigo's temple before he sat opposite him in their breakfast room.

"Why not? Don't you think she needs to know?!" Ichigo asked pointing at the paper where the headline "Sousuke Aizen Jailed!" stood out a clear mile. Cloud shrugged and sipped his orange juice ignoring his lover's obvious glare.

"No I don't," He said simply running a hand through his blonde spikes. Ichigo growled at him low in his throat and Cloud laughed. After all the time they had spent together Ichigo should have realised that his temper tantrums hardly ever worked. "If she doesn't already know what good will it do to tell her?" Cloud asked rubbing his forehead, "She's lived the last five years on her own and she has been fine; why stir up the harmony? Especially at Yuzu's anniversary dinner." Ichigo blew out his breath and nodded rolling his head as if he had a stiff neck.

"As usual you are right," He said with a barely concealed smirk.

"Sometimes I think that's the only reason you keep me around." Cloud answered stealing a spoon of Ichigo's cereal.

"Oh no I keep you around for far better things than that," The cheeky red head replied, stealing the spoon from Cloud's fingers with his teeth. "You have far better uses than just being right and if we had time this morning I would show you." He finished his eyes blazing with lust.

"You always pick the worst times to seduce me." Cloud said sounding morose.

"Maybe my family just pick the wrong times to have anniversary's." He retorted with a smirk. Cloud leant over the table to capture his lovers lips,

"You may have a point with that observation. Still don't tell Karin. She's happy the way she is." Ichigo nodded,

"Whatever you say love." He replied and they returned to eating breakfast in peace.

* * *

Karin was sat in the living room reading one of the new manuscripts she had to either get Sephiroth to green light or dump while Ichigo and Cloud sat in the kitchen wrapping their present for Yuzu and Jinta. Each time Karin looked over at them it seemed as if her brother had just looked away. She pushed her reading glasses up her nose once more and returned to the text that had engrossed her for the last day or so; after this was proofed and edited it would be a breathtaking novel and it wouldn't be hard to sell to Sephiroth as he wanted to print a novel that wasn't about vampires for once. She finished the next chapter and felt her brother watching her again she looked up and he looked away again talking to Cloud as if nothing was wrong that was when she knew it for sure. Ichigo was hiding something. On top of his glancing looks; he had been cagey since he had arrived, Cloud as usual had been his laid back and charming self, but Ichigo was twitchy. He only half answered the questions she had asked when they arrived and when he did he wouldn't look her in the eye.

"I think you should read this book Ichi-nii" she said uncrossing her legs as she stood up to walk to the table. She slid the manuscript across to him and he frowned at her,

"The Death and the Strawberry... really Karin?" He asked as she sat opposite him nodding. "It doesn't sound like it would be my..."

"Thing?" she asked in return, "You'd be surprised it's actually a really good book. I was scared originally when it was submitted after the complete nosedive _Zombie Powder _took and how much the hit hurt Tite Kubo. Then a few years later he comes back stronger than ever with the most powerful love story ever told."

"I read his first book," Cloud said softly squeezing Ichigo's hand, "I really enjoyed it, I was sad that he never wrote anything else and that we never got the end of the story."

"I'll tell him the next time I see him," Karin said with a smile, "He'd like to hear that."

"So you still enjoy working at Shueisha?" Cloud asked as Ichigo began to read the first page of the manuscript with what could only be called a distasteful scowl. The internship she had done not long after Yuzu got married worked in her favour Sephiroth had seen her passion and had hired her straight out of college. To this day Isshin always told people how proud he was that he had three genius children, one that was a high class interior architect and designer, one a high flying publisher and one a chef with her own restaurant. It seemed that in business at least the Kurosaki children were blessed and it made Cloud proud to be part of the family.

"I do," Karin said with a smile as she removed her reading glasses off her nose. "Sephi is a hard boss to please sometimes, but I have never felt so challenged. I get to do what I love and then play football at the weekends with the girls and we are heading up the league every game. I couldn't be happier." She looked at Cloud and smiled softly, "You can stop worrying about me you know," She watched as her brother's lover turned a delicate shade of pink.

"I've known Sephi a lot longer than you," he said rubbing his neck in an awkward manner, "He always had so many mommy issues that I thought he was going to become an axe murderer. I worry about you because I still think he will! I never in a million years thought that he was going to become the president of such an enterprising publishing house." Karin laughed,

"Well he never thought you would open a club that caters to such an array of clientèle!" Cloud's mouth fell open at that comment,

"What on earth does he mean? He has business meetings in _Nibelheim_ wow he can be such a two faced, slimy..." He pulled his hands in to fists and stopped the last of his insults from falling off his tongue.

"He's not all that bad," Karin said shaking her head gently.

"Karin, do you only want me to read this as the hero is an arrogant red head?" Ichigo suddenly asked his look of distaste now etched on all of his features.

"Now would I do that to you Ichi-nii?" She asked fluttering her eyelashes and tightening her ponytail. "You know I don't care for art imitating life." Ichigo's face cracked in to a grin and he shut the manuscript.

"You said it was the most powerful love story ever told, from what I've read it's just a teenage boy with supernatural powers." He looked at Cloud and with the most deadpan face uttered, "He can see... dead people." Karin sighed and took the manuscript back as she slid the reading glasses back on her nose.

"It's all about sacrifice the hero sacrifices himself for his family so he has the power to fight the evil that haunts them. The heroine sacrifices herself and her power so he can do that. He sacrifices himself to save her when she is captured. What else can you call that than love?" She asked her face a little bored at having to explain.

"Love shouldn't be about sacrifice Karin," Ichigo said his voice sounding hollow,

"Maybe you should tell Gin that," Karin said as she slammed the manuscript shut.

"So you do know?" Ichigo asked his eyes narrowing.

"And THAT is why you have been avoiding talking to me?!" She stood up and leaned across the table so their noses were almost touching. "Of course I knew! I read the paper Ichigo!" She said and then looked at Cloud who was finding the framed poster of their mother most interesting. He was looking at it in a way that seemed like he hadn't seen it a million times before. "You read it too didn't you?" She asked and Cloud nodded, "But unlike this numbskull you knew it didn't involve you or me; so you can let it go, but you Ichi-nii!" she said turning back to her brother eyes blazing, "You just can't let it go!" Ichigo stood so that they were eye to eye and Cloud let out a sigh.

"I told you it would do no good," Cloud said only to be glared at by both Ichigo and Karin. He put his hands meekly up in surrender and then picked up the manuscript to read it and let Karin and Ichigo argue amongst themselves.

"So Gin was a whistle blower and has been for the last ten years, he brought forward so much evidence that he brought down his boss in one fell swoop. What does that have to do with me?" She asked sitting down again the fight all but gone out of her.

"I thought that much would be obvious!" He said,

"Aizen had Momo attacked!" He shouted,

"I know," Karin sighed, "But it changes nothing," she said shaking her head.

"Why not?" Ichigo asked exasperated.

"I've moved on." She said simply, "I'm happy. I date every now and then, but I have realised I don't really have the motivation for it. I don't think about either of them any more. Gin sacrificed himself to save Momo and his family. He clearly understands that love is a sacrifice and it is obvious to me that it is one he is willing to make." She walked over to her brother and hugged him tight, "I know you worry about me too, but there is nothing to worry about. I'm glad that Aizen is gone, but that's it. I'm glad that Gin turned out to be the amazing man I saw inside whenever he had Rangiku, Haruki and Emi near, I'm glad that Momo has closure, but it doesn't affect me more than that. I've moved on."

"Yet you still couldn't say his name," A voice from behind them said, everyone at the table turned around to see Isshin stood in the doorway watching the three of them closely. It was one of those rare moments when he was completely serious which made him all the more frightening. "You've kept up with all their careers over the years and you could always say his name, but since you read that article this morning you will talk of Momo, but not him." Isshin stood behind Karin and hugged both his son and daughter in one go, the serious man dissolving and the clown almost eclipsing the hurt that Cloud always saw deep in his eyes. "You may have thought you had moved on, but shutting it out isn't moving on." Just as Karin was going to argue that point the doorbell rang and Isshin let the pair go grinning. "At least you both dressed up for the occasion. Cloud you look good too!" He said with a grin before he ran to the door wailing about the fact that it had been so long since he had seen Yuzu or his grandchildren.

"It scares me when he does that," Karin said and sat down again at the table with Ichigo and Cloud nodding.

"I think it's because he knows us better than we know ourselves," Cloud said softly still reading the book before him. "But he had a point Karin you look beautiful today." At his compliment it was her turn to blush, taking compliments well was one thing the years had never taught her to do well. She looked down at the navy blue summer dress and smiled. It had been a good purchase after all and the knee length boots she was wearing did give her an air of danger, maybe Rangiku, Ururu and Yuzu were finally rubbing off on her since clothes meant a whole lot more to her now than they ever had while she was growing up.

Maybe she realised it was a good thing; she liked having the girls as her friends they were so different from the boys she had always hung around with. She had never been a Tom-boy because it was a phase; she had always understood boys better and her love of sport over clothes and shoes had always made it easier for her to interact with the opposite sex.

After years of only having male friends she liked the fact that now she could go jogging with guys from the gym or the girls from football. She could drink tea with Rangiku or Izuru. She liked the fact that she was more whole as a person. She was sitting thinking of the other upsides of having left her most of Tom-boyish years behind her when a blur of colour jumped on her.

"Karin-chan, Karin-chan!" A squeaky voice screamed as pink and blue jumped up and down on her lap,

"Ren, Kasumi, calm down!" she said bundling the two children to her in a warm embrace,

"I'm sorry," Yuzu sighed as she walked in to the kitchen with Jinta and Isshin, "They wouldn't calm down in the car either," She finished holding her stomach in a way the whole family knew was a sign that she was once again pregnant.

"Congratulations'!" Cloud, Ichigo and Karin said all at once making everyone laugh,

"I was going to wait until after dinner," Yuzu said glowing and Jinta smirked,

"The way you are rubbing that like you are some lucky Buddha may have given it away." Yuzu playfully hit him on the arm and Karin couldn't help it she smiled. Seeing the pair of them together didn't hurt anymore she actually found herself wanting to spend time with Yuzu and Jinta. The love they shared was so different to that of their brother and Cloud, but at its heart it was intrinsically the same. It was as powerful as it was all consuming and terrifying, but each couple was happy and watching it and being close to it made Karin happy too.

"I'm going to have a brother to play with!" Ren said his face splitting in to a grin filled with missing and half grown teeth,

"No you won't!" Kasumi told him, "I'm going to have a sister to play with!" They both looked at Karin as if she had all the answers.

"So you don't want to know... again?" Karin asked her twin and all she got was a smile in response.

"Where's the fun in knowing before it happens?" Jinta asked with a smile and snaked his arm around her waist. "It also keeps these two entertained." The twins in Karin's lap jumped up and down asking her what she thought Yuzu was going to have and all she could do was laugh. Out of all the people in the room she was the worst one to ask even if she was their aunt. Eventually she held their hands together stopping them from jumping on her anymore.

"I think you are going to be really lucky and you will have a brother and a sister, who are both as lovely as you." She said softly kissing them each on the head. The pair sat quiet for a moment and then in unison shook their heads.

"We don't want that!" They said decisively and jumped off her lap running to Cloud,

"Uncle Cloud! Uncle Cloud!" They screamed and he picked up the pair spinning them around. "Will we have a brother or a sister?" They asked in between giggles and screams.

"I think you should wait and see," he said his blue eyes warm as he looked at the pair who were hanging off his neck. "As your dad says it's all a part of the surprise." He put them on the floor and smiling the pair walked hand in hand in to the living room where all the adults knew they would fall asleep. No one could work out how Cloud did it, but each time the twins were hysterical a few whispered words from Cloud would send the pair to sleep. Karin watched as Ichigo took his hand and brought him to sit next to him again a look of adoration on his face; even after six years of being together it seemed that Ichigo was still as smitten as the first day they kissed.

"I wish I had your magic!" Jinta exclaimed taking a seat next to Karin. "That would make bedtime far easier." Yuzu nodded as she ran a hand through her long blonde hair.

"Sephi always said he was good with kids." Karin murmured, but no one was listening as Isshin was breaking out the champagne for the celebration that they had all come together for as well as the news of another grandchild that he could spoil rotten. The manuscript about the boy grim reaper and the newspaper article about Gin, Aizen, Momo and detective Hirako were once again forgotten about by all of the members of the Kurosaki household.

* * *

The note lying on the centre of the table came as a surprise. Tōshirō couldn't believe it as he held the papers that he could barely hold in his shaking hands.

_Shirō,_

_I think I have lived a lie long enough._

_You tried and tried to tell me that the man I thought I knew was a monster. I refused to listen. I gave you so much pain over the years and for that I am sorry._

_We married too young, we thought that a love we had as children would save me from the darkness of my nightmares. We were wrong and for that I am also sorry._

_We both deserve something better than what we have or what we ended up with. I spoke to the lawyers after the trial had finished knowing that leaving me is the last thing you would ever do. So here sweet Shirō I have the annulment papers. I am not trying to make light of your commitment or our attachment of each other, but I think we both need other people._

_Sorry it took me so long to understand that._

_I'm going to find out what it means to just be me, finally._

_All my love,_

_Momo._

He looked at the annulment paperwork and saw that she had already signed it; her perfectly feminine script taking up most of the line she was given to sign. After all this time he was free and instead of feeling the relief of the burden on his soul lifting all he felt was mind crushing fear and guilt. At the end of it all Momo had been the one to walk away, she had been the one to finally understand what he had all along. They were never meant to be and they were fools for even trying. Who knew that with Aizen behind bars that Momo would finally be free of her burdens and loyalty as well. He stood in the kitchen of his apartment with no clear path for the future and the utter uncertainty of it terrified him the sands of time had shifted under his feet and he was truly lost for the first time in his life.

* * *

_AN: Aren't you all lucky you get two in one chapter :D_

_ I hope you liked it, as you maybe able to tell we are getting close to the end :) now the names of the children are most important._

_Emi can mean blessing and beauty which of course she was a blessing to both Gin and Rangiku when she was born._

_Haruki her little brother has a name that means the same sort of thing as I'm using the idea that after their blessing they had a dark period where Gin first went to the police about Aizen. He fears that Rangiku and Emi will be in danger and after he worries he meets his second child and he is a ray of sunlight._

_Ren and Kasumi have names that are the total opposite to their natures as they are more like their father than their mother. Ren is named after the Lotus because he looks more like his mother so looks as delicate as a Lotus blossom, but even as an infant showed a tenacity that suits the flower well and Kasumi is named mist because that was the first thing Yuzu saw after the pair was born. Their names sound very gentle, but neither of the twins are they are very much a boisterous pair of individuals unless Cloud is around._


	15. Chapter 14

_AN: Well folks this is the last full chapter, next is the Epilogue and then Hold Me Down will have come to an end. Thanks for sticking with this! _

_This chapter is set 18 months after the shock headline sorry that I'm jumping forward again, but its the best way to move things along. _

_I didn't want to give too much away in the last chapter as to what happened to Momo and Gin, sorry for any confusion it may have caused. All you really knew was that Aizen was jailed and Momo left after having realised that Aizen was a douchebag. _

_The only other thing you knew was that Gin was involved somehow. This chapter explains it as I wanted it to come from Tōshirō first hand, since newspapers are notorious for not telling the truth. Lets just say I have ALWAYS loved Gin and knew that like Snape in Harry Potter he wasn't the bad man we were all meant to believe he was._

_Please enjoy xx_

* * *

The air was cold for the middle of September Karin thought as she wandered in to _Balamb Garden_ for her lunch break; Sephiroth had been rather nice to her all week and since his flight to Australia for a book tour with none other than Tite Kubo left in a little less than two hours he had told her that she could if she wanted have the rest of the day off.

She wanted to take him up on the offer since she had been working none stop the last eighteen months to get _The Death and the Strawberry_ published and on the billboards. With all her hard work she had helped make the book an overnight success. It seemed that in the midst of all the paranormal romance obsession or depression depending on the way you viewed it; what the people really wanted was a novel with bite. Something with a charming villain who would most likely sell his grandmother to get what he wanted; a book that thrilled and annoyed them in equal measures and a book that left them hungry for more while the hero was down for the count. As soon as they had the trailer for the book released and Kubo's webpage up to muster the book was practically sold out. Which hadn't been something Karin had expected, but was a welcome surprise all around.

She had been crowned a hero and Kubo himself had even thanked her for not giving up on him when it had seemed that everyone else had. He was now on to writing his third book in the series _Conquistadores _while they started rolling out the promotional ideas for the second which he had called _Beginning of the Death of Tomorrow_.

She sat down at her usual table in Squall's café and thought about her brother for a moment which she did a lot when she thought about Kubo and his sucess. Eventually he had read the books and was surprised to find out that he really enjoyed them. Even if sometimes he was caught off guard by the similarities between him and the main character.

Everything in their little world was perfect and for the first time in a long while it seemed as if her life was back on track. The train she was on in life wasn't pulling out of the station with the engine at full tilt; she wasn't careening around the cliff faces with only two wheels on the track. Things were going smoothly and it was just how she liked it.

"Karin-chan!" Squall called in a voice she knew meant he was going to chastise her,

"What Squall?" She asked scowling at him in a way that reminded everyone of Ichigo.

"You should come here more often," He shrugged, "We all missed you!" She smiled at him and he smiled back the scar across his face making it slightly lopsided.

"I thought you were the lone wolf, the one that blazes the trail alone?" She asked with a grin as he placed her regular on the table in front of her.

"Like Cloud I realised there is no point in blazing a trail on your own, it means more when there is someone beside you." Karin smiled and turned to the counter where Rinoa stood smiling at them.

"Well you chose well, I'm happy for you." She smiled and picked up her coffee. "I'll make an effort more often since Sephi will be giving me a break now," Squall turned up his nose in much the same way as Cloud always did, but Karin was used to it now and just shook her head.

"Well little one, enjoy." He said and ruffled her hair before he went back behind the counter to embrace Rinoa. She opened her bag and saw the partially finished manuscript for _Conquistadores _that she had been asked to proof, but moved it aside and found the book she wanted to sit and flick through. She put her battered and bruised copy of _Persuasion_ on the table and it fell open to the section she had been reading on the commute to work. As the words played across her vision the world and noise around her disappeared. In the words she could see places she had never visited and a time that she would never see. It was magic. So when a voice asked,

"Is this seat taken?" she simply replied with,

"No you are welcome to sit in it," without looking up from the text.

* * *

He didn't know why he had found himself in Ginza, but he did. He'd met a client in the city and instead of going back to Karakura to go home he thought he would wander around a bit. Tōshirō had found he quite liked to wander aimlessly; he didn't really need a destination he just let his feet take him where they wanted to go. So after leaving _Cid's Place_ he had let his feet just take him somewhere as he looked in the windows of the shops and restaurants that filled the streets he didn't know as well as he should have. He reached a familiar street that housed both _Balamb Garden_ and _Club Nibelheim_ when he saw her.

He balled his hands in to fists and tired to slow his heart rate. He couldn't believe it that after all this time she could still affect him in such an obvious manner. Her hair was long now and clipped at the base of her neck so it fell over her shoulder in a fall of ebony. Her face was turned up to talk to Squall and the glasses that were perched on her nose were so cute that he could barely keep his feet glued on the pavement. She looked stunning, but then she always had. Even in her Tom-boy phase with her short hair and baseball caps Karin Kurosaki had been one of the most beautiful women he had ever met. It seemed as if time had been kind to her and had only made her more beautiful.

When Squall had finished talking to her she took a book out of her bag and began to read, she had always said that if she was in the perfect mood she would be transported to anywhere. She had said that she might not ever travel even with her wanderlust, but with books she didn't really need to. Within each page there is another world.

Making a spontaneous decision he walked in to the café and strode to the counter. Squall turned around and his jaw dropped,

"You better not be planning on making my customers cry again," he said and Tōshirō was surprised that he even remembered him.

"No, I'm not," he replied with a soft smile, "I only want one of your cinnamon macchiatos," Squall nodded his approval and made the drink without further comment. When he passed it to Tōshirō he nodded at Karin,

"I know it's not my place to say this, but little man don't break her heart this time, capiche?" Tōshirō smiled,

"Trust me I know far scarier people than you, that want to keep her safe, but I will keep it in mind." Squall's brow furrowed in thought for a moment as he watched the little white guy walk towards the one thing everyone knew he should never have let go of.

Each step he took towards the table was a study in patience and torture; it was as if he was walking through molasses to get to her. That or the café was just getting longer; it was like the scene in _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ where she shrinks and the room becomes so large it almost swallows her. He shook his head and tried not to laugh, he may never have finished that English literature course, but in the last seven years he had read enough literature to sink a ship. Deep down he knew it was so he had something that would always connect him to her, even in the feeblest of ways.

"Is this seat taken?" he found himself almost choking out. He begged her to look up, he wished that she would just raise her eyes, but she didn't. Had his voice changed that much? Did she really not recognise it? She didn't look up, she didn't even flinch she just replied softly,

"No you are welcome to sit in it," He pulled the chair back softly not wanting to disturb her further and sat in it sipping at the burning coffee as he did so hoping that in some way it would loosen his tongue. When he was comfortable he studied her silently seeing the differences from the girl he knew when they first met, to the woman he saw at the wedding of her twin and the woman sat before him now. She was taller her long luscious legs crossed and bent under her chair in a delicate fashion, her lithe frame was fuller and all the more enticing, but she was still athletic even with her softer more feminine build. Her clothes were perfectly chosen; it seemed that in the end Matsumoto had worked her magic. She was sat in a black pencil skirt with ballet pumps and a starched white blouse that left little to the imagination with the pendant he had given her around her neck. There were no words to describe how beautiful he found her, but once again he was spell bound. Maybe Rochester had it right; some women simply were witches.

"Karin?" he said and the spell was broken, she looked up at him and her face drew tight.

"What are you doing here?" she asked looking more than a little annoyed that he had entered her private time. He was about to tell her what he was doing sat at the table with her, but even he knew he sounded like a stalker so thought better than telling her.

"I could leave, if you want." He said making a motion to go, but Karin shook her head with a smile,

"Sorry I was so rude; you just caught me by surprise." She took a sip of her coffee and Tōshirō knew it was to cover her nerves. "How's Momo?" she asked more for something to say than out of actual curiosity.

"I don't know," he replied with a shrug and saw Karin's brow furrow in a way that made her look like the spitting image of her brother, "She sent me a postcard last week from Hawaii, she seems happy, but we don't talk much anymore."

"Why?" Karin asked and Tōhirō caught the catch in her voice, that he knew more than anything she was trying to hide.

"You know what happened don't you?"

"Only what I read in the newspapers..." she admitted her cheeks turning red.

"Ah," Tōshirō sighed, "So you know nothing at all. Let me explain."

* * *

The phone had rang late one Sunday night and Matsumoto was on the other end of the line in a state.

"The police have just taken Gin with them to the station in handcuffs," she wailed down the phone at him. "He has done nothing wrong!" In the background he could hear Emi trying to calm Haruki who was crying, but it seemed as if his mothers hysteria was making the toddler worse. Tōshirō had spent the better part of an hour trying to calm down his old assistant, but to no avail. He was about to leave to go see her when there was a pounding knock at the door of his apartment. He hung up the phone telling Matsumoto that he would be over to see her as soon as possible and then opened the door.

He had never seen the police look like this before.

"Hi," a soft drawl said around a tongue piercing, "I'm Detective Inspector Shinji Hirako." He said showing his warrant card and correcting the place that his tweed cap lay on his head, he was about to say something else when a sandal hit him square across the back.

"Ain't ya going to introduce me, ya stupid ass?!" A scratchy female voice asked as the detective Inspector rubbed his back.

"I was about to!" He shouted in the face of his partner, "You just hit me whenever you like!" He pointed to his partner and said, "Should have her done for sexual harassment." This only meant he got hit again, but this time directly in the face. He held his nose as he grabbed her warrant card out of her jacket pocket, "This is my Detective Sergeant Hiyori Sarugaki, if you couldn't tell she's a bitch!" He finished as he grabbed her shaggy pigtails and pulled them making her eyes tear up. Tōshirō watched the bizarre display for a few moments and then cleared his throat garnering both of the detective's attention.

"I'm assuming you wanted something?" He asked trying to be as calm as possible with Matsumoto's panicked screeches still ricocheting around his skull.

"Right you are," The Inspector said and his Sergeant stood on his foot making him curse quietly, but quite colourfully.

"Are you Tōshirō Hitsugaya?" She asked with her hands on her hips, he couldn't speak he just nodded dumbly. "Is this your residence?" once again he nodded glancing up at the Inspector who just shrugged. "Is this also the residence of one Momo Hinamori?" At this Tōshirō managed to get his mouth in to gear,

"Of course, she's my wife!" That comment stopped the Sergeant in her tracks as she grabbed a notepad and took the information down,

"Sorry Sir it seems that our research didn't cover that," she said glaring at the Inspector, who shrugged and said,

"Research is your job Hiyori," She hissed at him around her snaggletooth and carried on.

"I would like you both to come to the station, we have some information you may find pertinent." Tōshirō nodded and went to find Momo who had been napping on their bed. He bundled her up in a blanket and took her out to the police cruiser where the pair of detectives were waiting for them.

He had no idea what to expect from the station, but when he arrived it was like nothing he had ever seen. From the back of the cruiser he cleared his throat a few times and then asked,

"I heard that you arrested Gin Ichimaru," Both the driver and passenger nodded, "Am I allowed to ask why?" At that Hiyori turned around,

"Theatrics mostly," she said with a shrug, "It was to keep his family safe. He isn't being charged or anything, you can tell your friend and his wife that if you like." For a second she almost seemed human and then she was hitting her superior officer again for driving passed her favourite parking space. With the few spare seconds he had, he sent a text to Matsumoto so at least she would hopefully calm down, but now he was more confused than ever.

When they got out of the police cruiser they were both taken in to an interrogation room and left for what seemed like hours. Momo wouldn't speak and she looked haggard as if she already knew what was coming, but she wouldn't tell him. It made him think over the last few weeks that Momo hadn't been herself; she had been jumpy and suspicious of everything as if someone was after her. Each time he had asked her, she snapped at him so he thought it was better that he leave her alone.

Eventually the Inspector and Sergeant came back in to the room and led them through a maze of corridors and offices. Through the small glass panels in the doors Tōshirō saw glances of people at work and criminals breaking under the steady gaze of law enforcement. For the life of him he couldn't think why they were here, but the further back they went the twitchier Momo became.

"If you wouldn't mind," the Inspector said as he opened a door and led them inside. The room they had walked in to was dark and he could see the mirrored wall in to the room beyond where Sousuke Aizen was sat chained from his wrists to a metal table while Gin stood in the back corner looking weary. Aizen should have looked as haggard as Momo or at least that was what Tōshirō thought, but he didn't he as always looked pristine. He glanced at Momo again and he saw how her eyes bounced around the room and settled on nothing as if she wanted to be anywhere than where she was.

"I'll ask you again," Gin said his voice clipped; the accent he usually used gone. "Why have your assistant attacked?" He sat opposite Aizen his hands held loosely at his sides,

"I'll ask you again," was the response Aizen gave, "How is it that my most trusted employee turned out to be a pig?"

"I can be as two faced as my employer," Gin replied softly,

"But why?" Aizen asked, "When did I do anything to you?" The Inspector sighed and hit a button on the console in the interview room Gin pressed his finger to his ear and then Tōshirō noticed the wire that was across his neck.

"Just tell him Gin, he'll never give up on it if you don't," They watched as Gin nodded and stood once more moving to stand against the glass. Aizen followed him with his eyes that were as blank and as devoid of emotion as a shark.

"It wasn't me that you hurt," He said simply, "Not directly anyway," Tōshirō heard him sigh, "This is a deal, I tell you and then you tell me everything. I have all the evidence I need; I have been collecting it for the last ten years since I entered the company after we heard rumours of bribery and corruption. We just need a why from you."

"You don't need a why Gin, you and the District Attorney would like a why," He went to touch his perfectly quaffed hair only to find the chain he was attached to was too short, so threw his hands down in frustration. "I will tell you as much as I think you need to know, now little boy, tell me why you betrayed me." From the other side of the glass they could all tell the Gin was smiling, the jokers grin stretched tight across his tired face.

"That was where you slipped up," he told the man that should have been answering his questions, "You can only be betrayed if the person was on your side in the first place." He shrugged coolly at Aizen, "I never was," Gin sat down in the chair across from Aizen again and took the wire out of his ear, "It ain't that interestin' really," he said his accent slipping in again and his words sounding more comfortable coming from his mouth. "I was an orphan left t' fend fo' myself on the streets, as with all waifs an strays I was eventually taken in. When I was in foster care I met the cutest lill' thing; we were inseparable. One day we were sent out shoppin' and I started t' lag behind as I had more to carry than 'er, I lost sight of 'er as we entered the park, but I heard her screamin'. I dropped wha' I was carryin' and ran to 'er, but I was too late. I couldn't save 'er, but I saw the group that hurt 'er. I saw their ringleader and it made me sick. I tried t' go t' the police, but because she didn't ever want to speak of it again, they wouldn't believe me. On tha' day I swore I would do everything in my power to take ya down. I was never gonna be weak agen." Gin stood and leant across the table so he was close to Aizen and when he spoke his clipped educated tone replaced the common accent he preferred, "It took years, I had to graduate from the academy. I had to join the undercover division and I had to do some of the worst things imaginable to get you to trust me, but here we are; you in chains where you belong and me in front of you able to put you in your place. What's the old saying ey boss? What goes up must come down? I think we have you and will take you down for good." Aizen chuckled darkly and for a second Tōshirō was worried for a man that he had hated for years.

"Now I know where I saw Rangiku first, she was that sassy one all those years ago," Tōshirō saw as Gin froze his hands balled in to fists. "I get it now, always trying to be her knight in shining armour." Aizen blew out his breath, "I always thought she looked familiar."

"Now you have my past, I think it's only fair, you shed some light on why you had Momo attacked," Aizen looked at the glass and smiled, Tōshirō had always thought his smile was warm, but as he looked at the man now it was cold and calculating, how could everyone except Gin not seen the animal beneath the veneer? He turned to Momo and saw she was shaking, he took her hand and she squeezed it so tight that it hurt.

"She's behind the glass isn't she, my little Momo." He laughed, "I've never met someone so trusting and so naïve." He said his words scorching like acid, "So innocent and eager to please, she was as malleable as clay. It didn't take much for me to get my little assistant to trust me above everyone else. After that it didn't take me long to get her to start taking other peoples designs while telling her that it was for the good of the company." Tōshirō glanced at Momo and saw she was crying, she looked up at him and spoke the words he never thought she would ever say,

"I'm so sorry," she said and crumpled on to the floor shaking, "I remember now, the last thing he said before it happened was, 'Aizen sends his regards'," Tōshirō felt his anger roar to life as he looked at the man bound and chained in the other room.

"But when push came to shove I couldn't have her telling everyone about what I was planning. With my connections it was easy enough to find the right man for the job, I needed her silenced in any way possible, a coma was the less desirable option, but the trauma had the same effect. It confused me when she came back to me, but it seems as if her loyalty to me never died no matter what you and Tōshirō tried. Where you failed Gin was that fact that you were never trust worthy!"

"I'm sorry you had to hear it that way," The Inspector said, "but it would seem that you ma'am corroborate the story that the slimy bastard just told." He helped Tōshirō and Momo stand, "We will need to take a statement, if that is okay. You won't be charged as _Soul Serenity Designs_ can't press charges for designs that are without a patent or copyright. At the end of the day what is far more important is the conspiracy to commit murder and his fraud, bribery and corruption charges."

* * *

Karin was quiet for a second as she took in all that Tōshirō had said, while he had been talking it looked as if he had travelled back to that moment over eighteen months ago when it had all happened. In his face she could see the pain and what she could only think was guilt.

"The newspapers said that it was a whistle blower within his new company," she eventually said and Tōshirō smiled,

"They couldn't really say he was an undercover cop could they?" he asked, "If you noticed there were no photos from the trial or video footage, this way the police can keep Gin's identity a secret. Not that I think he will ever do undercover work again."

"He did all that for Rangiku?" Karin then asked taking a sip of her now cold coffee.

"Yeah he did and she always tried to stop him from going after Aizen, to tell him to let it go. He wouldn't do it though. In the end I think he was the best of all of us. Not even Matsumoto knew he was a cop as they got sent to different families after she was attacked." He smiled and looked at Karin, "If you can believe it I actually call him a friend now." In response she giggled,

"That does seem strange, but somehow I knew he was never as bad as everyone said." Tōshirō nodded and then continued.

"We went through the trial process and I stood by Momo each day as we watched the footage that they had from all of Gin's undercover work, listening to the testimony of the thug that Aizen got to rough her up and all the other people he was involved with. At the end of it Momo was so tired and she had turned in to a shell of herself. I came home to a note and the signed annulment papers. Three weeks later she phoned me from Hong Kong telling me that she was going to travel the world on the settlement money she was given. I haven't seen her since, but she seems happy. She seems like she is the girl I grew up with." He stopped in what seemed like midsentence and shook himself. "I'm sorry I got carried away," Karin shook her head and smiled.

"Don't worry about it; it was nice to just talk." Tōshirō glanced down at the book she had closed as he had been talking and saw the title and smiled.

"I never finished reading it," he said pointing at the cover, "So at the end do they forgive each other?" Karin looked at the cover and then back up at Tōshirō,

"Of course they do, time heals all wounds and misunderstandings." The eyes that locked with his were the warm obsidian they had been once before. Now that he was here in front of her it felt as if no time had passed since he had last seen her or kissed her lips. It felt as if the slate had been wiped clean and for once in seven years he could breathe again. As they carried on talking like old friends he felt as if he had come home finally.


	16. Epilogue

_Two Years Later..._

She felt the words catch in her throat as her palms began to sweat; she would be fine if she were just telling him when they were alone. Here in the church however everyone was watching and she suspected more than a few wanted her to screw this up badly. She held on tight to her bouquet and heard a faint noise, looking up at Tōshirō she noticed he was humming one of her favourite songs and instantly she began to relax. She could do this; she'd written these vows after all they were her words and no one else's. She cleared her throat and then began, her voice holding the smallest of edges due to nerves.

"You are where my true heart resides, protect it and cherish it as I cherish yours. You are a collection of all the parts of me that have always been missing. You complete me in the simplest of ways. Everything of me is yours without you even asking for it. It has been from the moment I saw your sad eyes that day I almost ran in to the road with my football and I endeavour to make sure there are only clear skies in those eyes from now on. I love you in a way that makes no sense, but as long as you agree to this then I don't need convincing." She stopped as the congregation laughed and she felt her cheeks suffuse with heat. "I want you for forever; any less will not be enough for me." She finished and Tōshirō took her hand in his, his eyes answering all the questions and laying siege to any of the doubts she was harbouring and when he opened his mouth, he took her breath away.

"You are the single brightest point in my universe; you are my axis to which I revolve. You are my Polaris and my magnetic north. All roads I take will invariably lead me back to you. You were the one that taught this glass and ice heart to feel. You made it shatter and you made it melt. You are the best and most precious part of me. Without you it is forever dark and forever winter. I cease to exist. I promise to keep your spark burning and follow you wherever you go. You are my life's map, my destiny, my one true home. I promise to keep you from harm and to always protect you, but never hold you down. This I vow as I place my heart forever in your hands and take possession of yours in return." He finished and heard the resounding silence of all the people they had gathered together. This was how it was meant to be, he thought as he saw the tears shimmer in Karin's eyes as she held on to his hands with all her strength. He was supposed to feel at peace and as if he had come home; saying the words aloud finally made them true and seeing the response from all the people he loved, he knew that having written these words again and again for the past nine years wasn't a waste of his time. Karin and Momo had been right when they said the first time he had married he had been too young, but if at the end of that day it ended like this; him stood with the most breathtaking woman in the world so he was more than happy for making the mistake.

"I don't think I could have said it better myself," said Love the minister his wiry hair pulled in to cornrows on his head, "I think we have a new poet in our midst," At that Tite Kubo laughed,

"Just don't call the book _Zombie Powder_; people don't like names like that... apparently," At that the congregation laughed again and Tōshirō felt his heart soar.

"By the power placed upon me and by the rings you have now exchanged, I pronounce you man and wife," Love said and then as an aside to Kira and Hisagi who were Tōshirō's best man and groomsman respectively, "Eventually," Both the men stood to his side sniggered and then under their breath said,

"He was never one to make it easy," Love laughed at that and turned back to Tōshirō and Karin who were both looking at him expectantly,

"I don't know what you are looking at me for, she is your bride! Kiss her MAN!" Tōshirō didn't need telling twice as he wrapped his arms around Karin,

"I love you," he whispered saying the words aloud again against her lips,

"And I love you," she replied before she brought their lips together amidst all the applause of their family and friends.

* * *

_AN: There you have it, Hold Me Down has come to an end... eventually. After two years of writing it and getting lost on this journey I have reached the end point. Thanks for all the support. Who knows I may write another HitsuKarin story in the future._


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